#i hope i expressed myself well enough to be understood

[rendoas]

I think there's been a frightening amount of people on both sides of the Israel/Palestine conflict spectrum treating the whole thing like they're picking a football team. I think part of this issue stems from many people now electing to get their news from Instagram and Tiktok, and another part is how difficult it is to find reliable news articles that aren't funded by a party that stands to gain something from swaying international opinion.

I think most people's hearts are in the right place, being against human suffering and killing.

But I also think that far too many people have been swept up in "being on the right side of history" that they're not viewing this issue through the nuanced lens it really deserves.

From what I personally have read, this has been the fairest explanation (and the easiest for me to understand) of the conflict with viewpoints from both Palestinian and Israeli people.

My conclusion is that this is ultimately so very tragic because people are suffering on account of their governments' decisions. I don't think either Palestine or Israel (as governments, not people) are correct. I think the only correct thing is to stop the violence, and to love thy neighbor, and to care about one another. But I also have no idea how to get there, and am certainly not equipped in any sort of diplomatic or militaristic way to even begin to have anything to say about it.

I hope all the calling for ceasefire affects change. I hope all the donations and aid get through and save lives.

[weirdkpopgirl]

Stealing Kisses | Dream Reaction #14

Reaction: When their gf steals a kiss from them

Genre: Fluff, slight angst in some

Warnings: insecure thoughts, kinda suggestive, light making out in Jaemin's, kissing (obviously lol)

Word Count: ~3.1k

Author's Note: This idea came to me last week I think, and I thought it'd be fun to write. I think you guys like this type of stuff too lol. It was also nice to write something sweet and fluffy, a break from my recent stuff. Hope you all like it and thank you for reading ^ ^

P.S. I'm currently have a few fics I'm working on. But I'm going to try writing some shorter stories for the members and group things to fill up my second masterlist.

~ ~ ~

mark

The two of you were lying side by side on his bed, your gazes fixed on the ceiling. Mark was sharing his late-night thoughts, and you were listening attentively. Nights like these were a regular occurrence, mostly because Mark often had something weighing on his mind. Though it was usually just him recounting his busy day, tonight things seemed to carry a more serious tone.

“Sometimes, I’m just really not satisfied with myself,” he admitted, running a hand through his hair. “Like so many people are relying on me— with the company, 127 and Dream. Then there are the fans too, I don’t want to fail them. But no matter how much time and energy I put in, it’s not enough.”

You carefully processed your boyfriend’s concerns, trying to put yourself in his shoes. It was so easy to say he was just overthinking and shouldn’t worry so much. Yet you couldn’t bring yourself to do so, given that you faced similar struggles. Those dismissive words weren’t what either of you needed to hear. Mark was undoubtedly the most hardworking person you knew, but you understood all too well the feeling of never quite doing enough.

Before speaking this time, you opted for a different approach of consolation. You shifted around to gently place your hand on his cheek, guiding his gaze towards you. With closed eyes, you leaned in to kiss him softly. Your lips moved slowly against his, hoping he could feel the comfort of your touch. Soon enough, Mark’s hand rested comfortably on your back, reciprocating the affection.

You stifled a light giggle as you pulled away, catching his slightly confused expression. Offering a small smile you used your thumb to caress his cheek reassuringly.

“You’re doing great, Mark,” you whispered sincerely. “You might not think so at times, but I’m always so proud of you.”

And it was those words that caused tears to gloss over Mark’s eyes. Then he was pulling you into a much-needed embrace, holding you tightly in his arms. You could feel the warmth of his smile as he mumbled, “Babe, I love you so much.”

Though you didn’t necessarily need to return the words for him to understand, you still said you loved him too. He deserved it, after all. He deserved every bit of love, understanding, and support. And you were more than willing to give it to him, wholeheartedly.

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renjun 

You emerged from the kitchen, holding a plate of freshly cut mango in your hand. Renjun was sitting at the table, fully absorbed in the watercolor painting in front of him. Seeing him use the paint set you got for his birthday brought a smile to your face. He was so engrossed in the activity that he almost didn’t hear you sit in the empty chair beside him.

Renjun momentarily glanced up from his artwork to greet you. “Hey.”

“Hey,” you replied quietly, carefully placing the plate of fruit on the table. The two of you shared a smile before his attention was on painting again.

For a moment, you paused to admire the way his focused expression softened his features, making him even more endearing in your eyes. You always found joy in watching your boyfriend immerse himself in the things he loved. Renjun consistently poured his heart and soul into everything he did, and that dedication was one of the many reasons your relationship flourished so beautifully. 

After a few minutes passed by of you silently observing the boy, you leaned into place a quick kiss on his cheek. His eyes widened in surprise, and a faint blush followed. 

“What was that for?” he asked, voice laced with curiosity.

You simply shrugged in response before confessing, “Just thought you looked cute.”

Renjun’s soft chuckle was like honey for your ears, and you couldn’t suppress a smile. “Oh is that so?” he teased, amusement twinkling in his eyes even as his gaze softened when he looked at you.

Now it was your turn to feel shy, heat naturally rushing to your face. Without a word, you reached for a slice of mango and lifted it to Renjun’s lips, quietly offering the yellow piece of fruit to him. Lucky for you, his eyes sparkled with fondness as he accepted the treat. 

However, he didn’t waste the chance to quickly steal a kiss from your lips, before taking a bite. Your eyes mirrored the surprise he had experienced earlier, and Renjun laughed now the tables had been turned. He savored the sweetness of the mango, just as he savored the sweet moment shared between the two of you.

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jeno 

You weren’t exactly expecting to return home to Jeno sprawled across your sofa. It was late at night, and you technically should have been back in your apartment much earlier. However, you got caught up in helping your friend rehearse for an audition and lost track of time. If you had known your boyfriend would be coming, you definitely would’ve gone home sooner.

 After quietly removing your shoes and shedding off your jacket, you carefully crossed the room to check the man resting on the couch. He looked so peaceful with his eyes blissfully shut and the pillow he held close to his chest. Yet, you couldn’t help but frown, thinking about how he must’ve been exhausted from work. While he never complained, you usually saw through his facade.

With a barely audible sigh, you fetched a cozy blanket to drape over him and tucked it snugly around his sleeping form. Leaning down, your lips pressed to his forehead and let your lips linger for a moment before pulling away. You straightened up, ready to start your nightly routine before heading to bed yourself. However, you froze when a warm hand tugged at your wrist. 

“Don’t go,” he murmured, almost sounding like a child begging his mom not to leave. 

The unexpected sound of his voice made your heart skip a beat. “Sorry for waking you up,” you apologized sheepishly, turning back to see him.

He shifted over a bit to give you some space, and you sat down beside him. Without thinking, your hand subconsciously moved to stroke his hair gently. He hummed at the sensation, appreciating any sort of affection from you.

“Don’t apologize. I liked it,” he said softly, leaning further into your touch. “Do you always kiss me when I’m asleep?”

“Sometimes,” you admitted quietly, feeling a blush creeping up your cheeks.

A small pout formed on his lips in response. “You should just kiss me when I’m awake so I can give you one back.”

His words would’ve sounded playful if they hadn’t been spoken in such a sulky tone. But of course, you sort of expected this reaction from Jeno. Chuckling softly, your embarrassment gradually began to melt away.

Moving your hand to caress his face, you casually said, “Well you can give me one now if you’d like.”

With your permission, Jeno happily sat up to pull you closer for a kiss that made your head spin. Nonetheless, it was a tender moment that left you both with silly smiles as you parted. Afterward, you took his hand in yours and suggested you both move to the bedroom so he could sleep more comfortably.

Later, as you cuddled up together in bed, Jeno smiled to himself as he felt a rush of love he felt for you. Even though it was past one a.m., he still found himself falling for you all over again.

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haechan 

To say the least, Haechan was a little restless just chilling in his apartment with you. Usually, he liked being at home, especially with your company. But the original plan for today was to have a lovely date at Han River, which was forfeited due to the ongoing thunderstorm outside. He regretted not looking at the weather forecast beforehand.

So to cure his self-proclaimed “boredom,” Haechan proposed the idea of playing the pepero game. At first, you tried to decline, knowing that you’d be signing up for endless teasing and blushing on your part. That didn’t sound very fun to you.

“Oh come on, babe!” he pleaded, shaking the pepero box. “I won’t be annoying this time, promise.”

Knowing he was going to keep whining until you agreed, you reluctantly set aside the book you were using to ignore him. “Ugh, fine. But just this once!” you conceded, holding your pointer finger up as a warning.

Haechan grinned triumphantly as he tore open the bag inside the box to retrieve a Pepero stick. He moved to where you were sitting on the couch and lifted the chocolate-covered treat to your lips, gesturing to open it. With a resigned sigh, you reluctantly complied and took the stick with your teeth. Haechan took hold of the other end, his eyes already sparkling with mischief.

As the two of you started nibbling, Haechan promptly contradicted his earlier promise of not being annoying. His eyes sparkled with mischief when you hesitated after he took the next bite, leaving only a few centimeters left. No matter how often you had been in close proximity with your boyfriend, there was something uniquely captivating about the way his warm tan skin was adorned with scattered moles, and how you could get lost in his deep brown eyes. Seeing those features up close always stirred a weirdly fluttery sensation in your heart.

“Don’t tell me you’re getting shy already, (Y/n),” he teased, his words slightly muffled by the long biscuit between his teeth. You merely glared at him in response, unwilling to admit how easily you were influenced by him.

To rebel, you decided to make a bold move of your own this time. Despite your racing heart, you seized the opportunity and bit the remaining piece, but not without planting a swift kiss on his lips. Haechan froze for a moment as you pulled away. A laugh escaped when you saw that he was too stunned to speak. Well, that was one way to shut him up.

Feigning innocence, you asked, “That’s what you wanted, am I wrong?”

It didn’t take long for a grin to spread across the boy’s lips. The initial shock of your unexpected kiss was replaced by a look of amusement. In the next moment, his right arm encircled your waist, drawing you close once more. You didn’t even have time to blush before his lips began to explore every exposed inch of your skin.

“You’re so bad for me,” he murmured between kisses, his fingers tangling your hair. “But I love it.”

You giggled, surrendering to the warmth of his affection. Maybe you’d be more inclined to indulge in games with Haechan now, knowing they’d end up like this.

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jaemin

In the solace of his apartment, Jaemin observed you interact with his cats in the living room. Usually, he’d be cooing and snapping a hundred pictures of you and his children. However, he wasn’t very amused at the moment.

Na Jaemin never thought he’d be jealous of his babies until he saw Luke rubbing against your leg and hopping into your lap. Your giggly response and the way you tenderly stroked your fingers through the feline’s soft white hair, certainly didn’t make him feel any better. Although he loved his pets dearly, seeing them snuggle up to you so easily made him feel a bit envious. 

“Hmmph, it seems like you’ve become more fond of Luke than your own boyfriend,” he scoffed, not even bothering to hide it. 

You looked up, noticing how he was resting his head in the palm of his hand, his elbow propped on the couch’s armrest. His body language fully displayed his discontent, and you tried not to laugh. Rolling your eyes, you returned Luke to his siblings and tugged the collar of Jaemin’s hoodie to pull him in for a sweet kiss. 

Any negative feelings dissipated instantly as his heart fluttered at the touch of your lips against his. Warmth spread through him like wildfire. But before he could reciprocate the kiss, you pulled away with a playful glint in your eyes.

“Does that make you happy?” you teased, gently pushing him back to give yourself some space.

Adoration shined over Jaemin’s eyes as he grinned. “Hm, I think another one would make me even happier,” he said, his voice husky with desire.

Before you could even respond this time, Jaemin was already leaning in to capture your lips in a passionate kiss that sent sparks flying between you. One of his hands rested on the nape of your neck, allowing him to press his lips harder against yours, while the other was placed firmly on your waist. Though you were initially caught off guard by the sudden intensity of the kiss, you decided to enjoy this moment of intimacy.

As you melted into each other’s arms, Jaemin was reminded once again of just how amazing it felt to be loved by you. Honestly, if he could have one wish, he’d probably wish to kiss you forever.

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chenle 

The steaming pot of oxtail soup stared up at you, and you lowered the heat to let it simmer some more. It was your first time cooking the Chinese soup. But recalling how your mom used to make it when you were younger, figuring it on your own hadn’t been too difficult. Although you were mostly confident in your culinary skills, you still wanted to be sure.

“Lele, can you come here for a sec?” you called out to your boyfriend who was probably playing some mobile game in the living room. 

You could hear rustling sounds, and soon the sound of slippers padding against the wooden floor reached your ears.  “Smells good babe,” he said, shuffling over to your side. 

Something about seeing Chenle waddle into the kitchen, wearing a black sweatshirt with the hood over his messy hair, made your heart strangely beat faster. But instead of ignoring that feeling like you usually did, you decided to act on it this time.

After dipping a spoon in the red broth, you raised the utensil to his mouth. “Taste it for me.”

Chenle complied, allowing you to feed him some of the soup. You tried to suppress a laugh as a smug yet impressed expression appeared on his face. However, before he could give you his feedback, you swiftly leaned in to give him a peck. 

The male froze for a moment at your actions. You chuckled softly and hugged his waist, as your cheeks flushed with embarrassment. His eyes widened in surprise before the corner of his lips curled into a smirk. A part of him wanted to tease you for stepping out of your shy image, but he also found himself enjoying it a little too much. 

“Did you like it?” you asked, glancing up at him innocently.

Chenle’s cocky grin widened as he leaned in closer. His eyes twinkled with mischief, as he used his pointer finger to gently tilt your chin upward. “Wait, let me taste it again to just be sure,” he teased.

It didn’t take much for you to understand that he was not talking about the food. You simply smiled as his lips brushed against yours before he went all in. Shivers danced down your spine as you melted into the electrifying kiss. By the time you finally pulled apart, Chenle was smiling like an idiot.

“Hm, that was delicious,” he breathed, earning a playful smack on the shoulder from you. Even though you had started it, his comment was unnecessary in your opinion. Was he trying to kill you?

Trying to recover from your now flustered state, you returned your attention to the brewing pot on the stove. Chenle’s laugh rang through your ears, and then he was squeezing you into a backhug. It was those types of moments that reassured you that being with Chenle could never be boring.

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jisung 

Amidst the dark sky, the street lamps cast a soft, golden glow as you walked back to your apartment. Jisung strolled beside you, holding your hand securely. Occasionally, you smiled to yourself, thinking about how tonight had been another lovely date, filled with laughter, shared stories, and stolen glances that spoke volumes without a single word.

As you neared your apartment building, you felt Jisung’s fingers intertwined with yours tighten. A sense of reluctance washed over him, realizing that he wasn’t ready to say goodbye tonight yet. Your presence always brought Jisung a sense of warmth that made him the happiest when you were together. He wanted to experience that just a little while longer.

Pausing in front of your door, your eyes widened when you were pulled into a tight embrace. Jisung seemed clingier than usual this evening, but you honestly couldn’t complain. You returned the hug by wrapping your arms around his waist and letting your nose press against the oversized hoodie he was wearing. The scent of the perfume Renjun recently bought for him filled your senses. It wasn’t bad, you thought to yourself.

“I miss you already,” Jisung murmured, his chin relaxing against your head. 

The soft longing in his voice left your heart melting. These were the types of words you expected to read in texts from Jisung. So hearing them in person was even more touching. A smile tugged on your lips and you pulled away slightly to glance around, ensuring there were no cameras around. Once you confirmed there were no prying eyes that might stir trouble for either of you, you reached up on your tiptoes and pressed a quick but passionate kiss to Jisung’s lips.

He blinked in surprise, heat immediately rushing to his cheeks as the unexpected affection registered through his mind. Any kiss from you always made his heart flutter and left him wearing a shy smile. Nonetheless, witnessing the fondness in your eyes as you were blushing too was irresistible for Jisung.

Chuckling he moved his hand to gently pat your head. “Cute.”

You blushed a little at his words and squeezed in one last hug before he reluctantly released you to head inside. 

“I love you, Ji,” you said quietly, glancing back one last time to ensure he heard you. He exhaled shakily and said he loved you more.

There was an unspoken sadness shared between you, both feeling the weight of the parting. The two of you were uncertain of when or where you’d meet again. However, you found comfort in the knowledge that the love you had with Jisung was too strong to let too much time pass without seeing each other. In the meantime, you would cherish those precious memories together.

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previous masterlist -> new masterlist

[rowretro]

𝕭𝖑𝖔𝖔𝖉𝖞 𝕿𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖙𝖞

(this is a request I hope this went well!!!)

✧warnings: Yandere/toxic themes, kidnapping, marriage, blood, violence, explicit stuff mentioned (gore etc),Hyper feminine reader, mean af Riki

❁synopsis: The sweet, beautiful human princess married the cold, handsome Vampire prince, for a happy ending in both worlds, where blood shed and murders won't occur anymore. It's perfect, in fact they're such a perfect couple. That's what people believed, but they never understood how broken the couple are behind closed doors...

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"Listen... uhm Riki? yeah I think I'll sleep on the couch I mean I'm human- you're vampire, on top of that I really doubt you do want to share a bed with me-" "I don't want to share anything with you not like I have a choice-" He cut her off as she nodded, feeling awkward. He finally owns this girl god damit. Instead of being all scared and obedient, she's here, pink silk flowy nightgown hugging her in all the right spots, making her seem like a trophy wife. Nail's all blingy, with charms and hearts, her lips still tinted from her lipstick from before, and lashes all done spikey and stunning.

Riki couldn't stand it. She's one of those annoying, mean girl wannabes who body shame girls that are living life. So he thought. She smiled as she went downstairs, carrying her pet goat to the garden. Yes a pet goat, it even had pink light pink shoes, and matching pink bows. Riki found her intriguing. Annoying. "uhm... I don't wanna sound rude but uhm can you please not drink Veronica's blood?" she asked as Riki blinked "You have a goat called Veronica.... do you get bullied in school?" he asked as she frowned.

"Uhm I don't know how to respond to that.... Of course I don't- I can defend myself when I need to- and I don't think humans get bullied for their pets... Maybe vampires might but not us humans" She said as she placed her goat in the comfy little enclosure, and brought her pet bunnies in. For a girly girl she sure does own a lot of pets. "can I suck their blood?" he asked half jokingly as she frowned.

"Id rather you suck my blood." she said as she pouted at her rabbits, booping their noses as she locked them in the indoors cage. "Woah there Mrs Nishimura... getting a little too attached to a cold blooded vampire" he teased as she rolled her eyes. "I suggest you sleep in my room if you want to be alive.... not all vampires here are as patient as I am." Riki simply said as he grabbed her waist, teleporting her to his room. "I doubt you had to hold me but uhm... thanks?" she thanked, scratching her head as Riki smiled.

She's such a pretty girl, so cute, especially when she's shy and nervous, he's seen her smile, fake and real smile, and its so fucking cute... he wonders how she looks when she cries... He pushes her onto the bed, catching her off guard, hovering over her as he suggestively leaned into her nick, his lips gently grazing her skin. A smirk plastered on his lips as he could hear, and smell the blood rapidly coursing through her veins. He turned to look at her frightened expression, then got up, satisfied.

"You thought I'd actually fucking touch you.... pfft you're too full of yourself y/n... you really aren't all that you know?!" as she just uncomfortably scratched at her arm. It wasn't enough of a reaction for him. "Why do you think the real reason is behind your parents and not your older sister? want me to tell you why?! you're a weak useless stupid girl who fails her studies focuses on her looks no matter how ugly you truly are. You're so worthless they went all in and threw you in the arms of me. Me who loves human blood, especially the blood of a sad, worthless little girl, preferably pretty... but you're ugly" He remarked.

Y/n's eyes became glossy. he was right for the most of it, she was more creative than academic, she loved doing her nails and makeup, but it's therapeutic, and she wasn't the biggest fan of her appearance and her parents are very disappointed in her... she constantly lived in her sister's shadow. But Riki doesn't know any of that. He didn't know until he read through the thoughts that clouded her mind. She truly wanted to die.

She's absolutely ethereal, even when crying. "But you don't need them.... you're the most stunning woman I've ever laid eyes on so as long as I have you all to myself.... everyone is safe." Though his words were absolutely sweet, he's being genuine, he wants this marriage though she doesn't. Yet she can't help but notice something eerie lacing his words... his eerie obsession...

Since their wedding day, he was always with y/n, in the kitchen, in their bedroom, the living room, outside the restroom, even in his office where he forbids anyone from entering. Y/n pouted as she aired her lips, lying on her front on the comfortable airbed, piled with blankets and fluffy pillows. Riki snickerred at the cute view. She's always a sight he loves to see.

She's grown so dependant on him, such a typical 1950's housewife, except she has a loyal loving husband who drinks her blood of course. "Riki im boredddd can't I got to the living room and play with the bunnies?" she asked with a little pout as he got up. She stared him up, and god was he tall, she envied him for having such a perfect waist, but she loves him so dearly. "Sweetheart.... I can't go a second without youuu-" he whined a little, as he snuggled her.

"I need to pee-" she suddenly said as Riki groaned "no you don't" he said bluntly as he snuggled into her neck "no seriously I need to" "no you don't you're making an excuse to leave me." he said as she frowned "Riki im serious. my bladder can only hold so much. and on top of that, if you don't want your expensive tailored trousers, and this fluffy bed, and this nightgown you bought me to be all wet and gross and stinky I suggest you let me go pee now!" she exclaimed in a somewhat calm manner. He sighed getting up as he waited outside the restroom door, waiting for her to finish.

He carried her once she was done, sitting her on his lap as he worked. "Riki..." "hmm?" "Can I visit my parents tomorrow?" she asked biting her lip as he stopped writing, glaring at her coldly "no. you don't need them." He coldly said as she whined "But they're my parents I miss them!" "No you don't. Y/n you have me and im enough, if you want more company, wait a few years we'll have noisy kids. until then, me and your fluffy pets are enough understand?!" he warned as she frowned.

"Why can't I-" "I said NO. FUCKSAKE Y/N YOU'RE MINE NOW. WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO TURN YOUR BACK TO ME AND GO VISIT OTHER PEOPLE?! PEOPLE WHO FUCKING HATE YOU?!" he yelled as she flinched, sniffling. Seeing this he snuggled her, kissing her forehead. "awww im sorry for yelling at you babe.... but I love you and you're mine now you know? you're mine all mine."

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A/n: this isnt that good but oh well, have a jay ff in the waiting, and im currently writting a sunghoon ff inspired by Leo the movie w vijay (i had a dream)

[sanakimohara]

I am on my knees begging for you to do more Seungmin content, the way you write Chan is so amazing and beautiful but I can’t stop thinking of my main bias Seungmin. Like I saw this pick and my brain turned to mush, all cause of him. Only if you want to tho no pressure. Love your work, keep the good work up 🧡🥰

“TREAT” K.S.

Oh?….well since you asked so nicely, I’ll oblige. 🖤

{ MDNI }

WARNINGS: cnc, pet play, master/sir kink, and slight bdsm..

++++++

"I really didn't," your face blooms a deep rose color as Seungmin calmly repeats himself, "Are you sure you want to keep lying to me, pup?.." His gaze, never shifting away from you, sat on your knees in front of him as he lounged against the couch. The differing positions between you solidified where you stood in the relationship.

You at his mercy and him lording over your very existence. A dynamic equally agreed upon some time ago and one you intended to wait to change.

However, at times like this, you wished the strength to stand your ground with Seungmin prevailed over your desire to obey him.

"But I've been perfect all day, sir. I promise I didn't-"Your excuses are cut short as he harshly tugs on the ebony chain in his hand, efficiently pulling it tighter around your neck. A soft gasp tumbles from your lips, melding into a timid whimper as the cold metal digs into your skin and presses down on the collar you have on. Seungmin laughs under his breath as you pant to breathe with your head hanging low to hide the shameful delight clouding your eyes.

He sat up straighter, head lulling to the side as he observed your slumped-over state, "It's so easy to tell when you're lying to me, honey." The chain is pulled tight again, wrapping his fist once to drag your head up and your upper body closer for him to view. Seungmin held your gaze, already seeing them gloss over with desperation as you admitted your faults to him in a hushed tone.

"I…I touched myself once…while you were gone. J-just once," you spill the truth before swallowing thickly and lowering your eyes from his. He scoffed, tongue poking the inside of his cheek as he thought about what to do with you, and the anticipation killed you.

Seungmin could be cruel when he wanted to be, and you genuinely hoped he'd find some patience for your nonsense, but the smirk on his face was all it took to realize that wouldn't be the case.

"Lying, touching yourself without my explicit permission, and then questioning a command," he exhaled slowly, staring you down until a subtle whine escaped your chest. "…I wonder if you even deserve a treat, puppy. It's so much better if I retrained you.." his voice lowered, a biting edge to his words as he yanked you toward him, and you yelped as your body settled between his legs. Seungmin drew close to you, face inches from your own as he taunted your lack of control. "Wouldn't it?" He presses an answer out to you, a hushed "Yes sir" dripping off your tongue as he nods in agreement. "Is that all you wanted, baby? To be trained again, touching what's mine causes you to miss your master's cock that bad.."

He resisted the urge to groan as you nodded eagerly, pining for a kiss as he talked down to you. Seungmin brushed his lips over yours, daring you to kiss him but dodging your weak attempts with an unwavering smug expression.

You hated how frustrated he could make you with the simplest teases. The heat flooding your body worsening and pooling in your core each time he stole a chaste kiss you were begging to deepen. Seungmin held out for a while, but soon, those tiny pecks weren't good enough for him, and the allowance of open-mouthed kisses began. You moaned into his mouth as his tongue flicked against yours, gaining immediate ownership of the warm cavern within seconds.

Seungmin placed his free hand on your neck, sliding two fingers under the semi-thick leather collar to tug it gently, his other still holding the chain leash in a tight fist. You understood the wordless command and moved to straddle his lap. He smiled against your lips, hearing the tag on the collar jingle quietly as you moved closer to him. Even in the dim light, no one could miss the engraving of his signature on the heart-shaped metal.

The need for oxygen broke you both apart, your soft pants mirroring the low grunts of pleasure he let out as his hips bucked. The friction of clothed hard-on against your soaked panties had your eyes rolling slightly. The need to think clearly gradually slipped from your consciousness as Seungmin guided your hips to grind on him. With every pass of his covered length, your walls clenched tighter, the damp spot on your panties transferring to stain his pants.

"Fuck.." you hiss excitedly as he pulls the chain around your neck roughly, suffocating you for a split second as he leans closer to kiss across the valley of your breasts. Seungmin leaves exceptionally dark bruises on your skin, biting down hard on the most sensitive spots just to hear you choke on a pained cry before he tenderly kisses the marks he's left. He doesn't go further, wanting to admire the intricate lace of your bralette as long as possible, but he still kisses your hardening nipples over the thin fabric.

You shudder and whine at the feeling, hands shifting in the restraints of his belt that you'd yet to free yourself from, and Seungmin relents his focus on your breasts to mumble in your ear.

"Lay down and spread your legs wide for me," he instructs, and you whine defeatedly, sad that you have to stop getting yourself on just his erection but far past the capability to defy him. "Nm… yessir," your words slur together as your hips halt all movement, and then you shift your weight just right to lay face up on the couch. Seungmin doesn't come to you instantly, enjoying the sigh of you relaxing your body and spreading your legs just as he asked you to.

The cool air hitting your inner thighs and ruined panties was enough to urge a shiver out of your frazzled body. Seungmin smiled, amused with your sensibility, "I should make you cum in these, pup." He slides a hand down the center of your body, his touch eliciting a wave of heat that grows as he snaps the hem of your lace underwear against your skin. Seungmin uses the same hand to cup your mound, pressing the wet fabric to your leaking folds and puffy clit in leisure circles of his palm.

"Mmm, no, please…. I don't wanna ruin them more, sir.." you babble between fluctuating moans, eyes sliding closed as your hips rocked against his hand, and he clicked his tongue at your unnecessary response. "I wasn't asking," his tone is far from gentle, and before you know it, he's claimed his rightful position above you, slapping your cunt as punishment for speaking back to him.

You yelp, instinctively drawing your lower half away from him, but Seungmin reels you back into submission with a particularly aggressive slap on your inner thigh. "Trying to run from me?" he quips, and you shake your head as the sting of his hit seeps into your skin. “N-no, fuck…m’ sorry s-sir…”

A shaky sob racks your chest as he hits you again, harder than before, and it draws immediate tears from your eyes. “N’ sorry….please m’sorry…” you chant the apology over and over, finding it impossible to say anything else as he inflicts fleeting spasms of agony on your body.

There would be no chance of you wearing any revealing clothes. "I don't think you are, angel." Seungmin cooed down at you, giving one last harsh slap to your thigh before pushing your panties to the side and pressing the head of his cock to your folds. Your eyes shot open at the familiar stretch of dick as he forced inside you without warning.

"Oh god!…" you cry out as he sinks into your walls, his grip on your leash faltering as a satisfied groan leaves his lips. He pulls back until only the tip of his cock is nestled in your contracting walls, then swiftly thrusts further into you. Your toes curl as every pulse and ridge of his length brushes against your spot. It feels better than what your fingers attempted to replicate hours ago, and you let him know that with a dazed smile.

Seungmin lets out a soft laugh seeing your cheerful and fucked out expression. "Feels that good, sweetheart?" You nod weakly, closer to cumming as he picks up the pace of his thrusts. He presses your legs up to your chest, folding you in half so his cock touches your cervix. "Ugh..mmph….master harder, please," you beg him, nails digging into your palm as the pressure in your core mounts to new heights.

"Harder?" Seungmin taunts you, moaning loudly as he involuntarily ruts harder into your drooling cunt. You groan quietly, the coil in your tummy threatening to snap at any given moment, "…may I cum, m' so close, sir.."

He hums quietly, pulling out to slide his shaft through your folds and against your puffy clit. “Fuck…no no no…” you whimper in protest, and he silences your cries with a heated kiss. Your climax was ripped to pieces as he edged you, deliberately making you writhe underneath him to benefit his own high.

"Wanna cum.." you pout and huff begrudgingly, and Seungmin shakes his head in disagreement, "Mm, no, I don't think you deserve to." His denial earns a frustrated sob from you, pleasure buzzing beneath your skin as his cock twitched against your slick pussy. He clenches his jaw tight as he cums on your stomach.

The warm liquid spreads over your skin in gradual spurts.

Seungmin's head lowers to the crook of your neck, teeth nipping at your sweet spot as he rode his high out and indirectly sending you over the edge with him.

Seungmin lets your legs fall to wrap around his waist, squeezing your waist as your release flows onto the cushion below. "Messy little pup," he groans, cock twitching to life again as he listens to your dumbfounded moans. "Ready for round two then?" The drawl in his voice brings a blush to your face as you nod eagerly. "Always, sir.."

++++++

Trying a new layout/theme for my posts. I think I like it but idk 🖤

[ BONUS CONTENT + ]

If you look closely it’s like he’s actually petting you hehe 🖤 anyways credit to the creator…

[evanpeterswhoresblog]

High Infidelity

Regulus Black x f!reader, Sirius Black x f!reader (mentioned)

warnings: smut, unprotected p in v, slight mention of fingering, underage drinking, cheating sorry guys i couldn’t stop myself

summary: your boyfriend sirius and his friends have never felt welcoming. but his little brother is…

word count: 5.3k

a/n: once again i’m bad at summaries so basically you fuck regulus spoiler alert hahaha. inspired by taylor swift of course. she’s been inspiring too much smut from me tbh. anywaysss. hope you enjoy (my sneaky link “broke up” w me today and i’m devastated) so here’s this !!!

~~~

April 20, 1978

“That’s precisely what I was thinking Moony!”

“Are you sure Padfoot? I got the understanding that it was you and Prongs who shared thoughts.”

“I second that.”

“Honestly I believe if James didn’t have Lily, you blokes would be together.”

“Definitely.”

“Well, Sirius also has y/n as well.”

You felt the boy beside you brush your shoulder with his, and you gave him a smile. “Oh, yes.”

The conversation continued, but you zoned out once again. You played with the vegetables on your plate and tapped your foot. Anxiety was a common thing you felt during meals with your boyfriend and his friend group. They were wonderful, but you always felt they had something secretly against you.

You were a year younger than your boyfriend, you were in Slytherin, you were pureblood, and you were cordial with the other members of your house. You weren’t stupid enough to believe the Marauders didn’t suspect something bad of you, or the Gryffindor girls. Some of them were muggle born and while you didn’t care much for blood purity, you could tell they thought you did.

When you and Sirius had begun dating a few months earlier, you were far from oblivious to the initial disapproval of his friends. You could see the skeptical looks Lily would share with her friends; you could hear the small whispers in classes. It didn’t bother you at first, in fact, you understood their distrust. You thought it would go away with time. But by the end of your second month dating their friend, you realized it was never going to change.

Your relationship with Sirius in short was far from perfect. You liked him, of course, and he liked you. However, it was clear neither of you saw it lasting forever. Deep in the corners of your mind, you’d thought it that before, a life with the infamous Sirius Black. You imagined the two of you would get your own flat after you graduated, you’d be shunned of course by your family, but it wouldn’t matter because you’d have him. Realistically though, you knew that life would never be possible. If he didn’t care enough to tell you why he sneaks off on full moons, if he didn’t care enough to let you in on jokes, if he didn’t care enough to even assure his friends fully that you weren’t like the rest of your house, you’d never have a life with him.

Without thinking about it, your eyes drifted across the great hall to a certain person in your house. He sat straight with a smile on his face as he conversed with his mates. A piece of his hair was in his eye, you watched as he brushed it away. You always wondered why people said he wasn’t as good-looking as his brother. He was just as handsome in your opinion. He was tall, his eyes were starry, and his black curls were never frizzy. His accomplishments spoke for themself. Top of the year, star seeker for Slytherin, prefect, he was the ideal boy. His only flaw in your eyes was his obsession with Voldemort and blood purity. Though your family and his were close in that aspect, you never cared much for the topic. He did though.

Suddenly, his eyes met yours. You watched his smile falter for a few seconds and a different expression formed. You looked away quickly, your cheeks turned pink. That wasn’t the first time you’d been caught staring at Regulus Black during dinner. It was far from it.

~~~

That night you sat alone by the fire in your common room. You’d been invited up to Sirius’s dorm with a promise that the other Marauders wouldn’t be there, but you declined. Sirius was a great shag; it would be impossible for him not to be with how many girls he’d been with. Truthfully, you didn’t like the number of girls that came before you, but you never said anything. You simply weren’t in the mood that night for any more patronizing looks, so you opted to silently work on homework instead.

After some time of working, the door opened. You instinctively looked up and found your pulse quicken as you were met with the beautiful eyes of Regulus Black. He was with his friends, Barty Crouch Jr, and Evan Rosier, but his eyes were on you. You looked down at the sheets of paper in your lap and pretended to not notice the sound of Regulus telling his friends to go up to their dorm without him. When they left though, you were forced to drop the act.

“I thought you’d be up in the Gryffindor tower with all your blood traitor and mudblood friends,” he said after taking a few steps closer to you.

You swallowed and kept your eyes on your paper. “I wasn’t in the mood, and they aren’t really my friends.”

“Really? Y/n you’re shagging my brother I’m not daft.”

He was slowly getting closer; you could see his shoes in your peripheral vision. You subconsciously held your breath. You kept your composure as well as you could.

“Great observation Reg, not as if the whole school knows that. And besides, since when have you cared about that?”

“I always care when someone with blood as pure as yours taints it with someone like my blood traitor brother,” he replied as if it were obvious. “Plus, if you have forgotten I’ve caught you staring at me at least a dozen times within the past month.”

Your cheeks turned bright red. “About that-”

“Look at me.”

His sudden authority made a warm feeling spread in your stomach. Slowly, you lifted your head to look up at him. He was close, barely a foot away. There was an expression on his face you once again couldn’t fully understand. You watched him examine your blushing face in silence.

“Go on then, explain yourself,” he said after a few seconds.

“I didn’t mean to; it was just an... accident,” you mumbled, your eyes moving around the room as you spoke.

Regulus tisked and without warning bent down slightly and gently touched his fingers to your chin. You were speechless. “I prefer to be looked at when spoken to y/n it’s a sign of respect. Can you do that?” You nodded and he moved to his previous position of standing. “Continue.”

“Like I said it was an accident, I sort of space out a lot and I guess my eyes go back to our table,” you continued. You stared in his eyes the entire time as your heart began to beat in your ears.

“I would’ve believed that if it had happened only once or twice, but this has been quite a few times. What is Sirius not fulfilling you enough?”

“No, it’s nothing like that he’s great I just... I dunno. You’re just...” You found it hard to speak with his eyes on you. “I dunno all right? Let’s just forget it’s ever happened yeah?”

It was the truth. You really didn’t know what it was that made you stare at him. It was just something. He fascinated you with his complexity. Sirius was outgoing and popular, but Regulus was closed off and reserved. He’d only had one known girlfriend in Hogwarts, he only talked to his friends, and he was mysterious. He was the opposite of his brother. And you found it perplexing.

“If you say so,” he spoke after a moment. Then he turned and started to walk toward the staircase to the boy's dorm. But before he was too far, he looked back at you with a sliver of a smirk. “You can talk to me though, if you need to. You don’t have to simply stare because my brother is insecure.”

He disappeared up the stairs before you could reply. And you spent the rest of the evening with his words replaying in your head.

~~~

April 22, 1978

You sat at lunch; Sirius’s arm was draped over your shoulders, and he shook as he laughed hysterically at something James said. You tried to put on a fake smile, but you weren’t sure how convincing it was. There was something about the way Sirius held you that made you feel off. You felt almost trapped. You felt as though you were being tested or put on display.

As if it was a sixth sense, your eyes looked at the one table you’d been purposely avoiding. He was already looking at you, it caused your breath to catch in your throat. For a few seconds, the two of you stared at each other, what felt like a mutual feeling of understanding was communicated through your eyes. So, when he nodded to the doorway you understood completely what he wanted. And you agreed.

“I’ve got to run down to my dorm I just remembered I forgot my essay for McGonagal.” You made up an excuse. From across the hall, you noticed Regulus already walking toward the exit. “I should go get it before class.”

Sirius dropped his arm from your shoulders and smiled. “You’re too forgetful y/n/n, but be quick I was hoping to get a quick snog in before that dreadful class.”

“Right, I’ll be as quick as I can,” you said as you stood up. You leaned down and pressed a kiss to his cheek, ignoring the eyes that were on you. “Don’t have too much fun without me.”

“I could never!” He exclaimed as you began to walk away.

Truthfully, you weren’t too sure of where Regulus went. You relied on the gut feeling in your stomach to guide you. With anxiety and anticipation flowing through your body, you made your way down a few halls before you found an abandoned classroom. The door was open a sliver, and somehow you knew it was the one.

He was inside, leaning on one of the desks with his arms crossed over his chest. “Close the door.”

You didn’t hesitate to listen to his request. Once it was closed you turned back to face him. “I don’t... I don’t really know what to say.”

“You looked like you needed to escape, you don’t have to talk,” he replied. His face was almost soft. “Am I the only one who knows how you feel?”

“You don’t know how I feel,” you mumbled.

Regulus rolled his eyes. “Just because you haven’t told me doesn’t mean I can’t read your face. It’s almost unbearable how miserable you look while you sit there. Why do you do it?”

You only stared at him, almost starstruck. Has he always been so observant? Or was your pain noticeable? You didn’t know what came over you, but you only acted on it. Before you could stop yourself, you moved across the room until you were barely a foot away from him. Regulus has always been perceived as cold and rude, but in that moment, he looked at you with sincerity no one could deny. Regulus knew you. That was all it took.

Without another thought you grabbed his tie and crashed your lips on his. His lips were soft and warm. Unlike his brothers, Regulus’s lips didn’t feel as though they’d been kissed thousands of times. He felt far less welcoming but nevertheless inviting. But your senses came flooding back fast and you pushed yourself away from him.

You stepped back and covered your burning lips with your hand. “Oh my... I’m- I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have. Fuck I’m terrible.”

“Y/n-”

“No, I can’t do this. I have to go.” You cut him off as you began to move to the door, tears forming in your eyes.

The last thing you heard was Regulus calling your name before you ran down to your dorm.

~~~

April 23, 1978

He was watching you. You could feel his eyes burning into you through every class and meal. Is that how he felt all those times you’d stared at him? It was uncomfortable, to say the least. You tried to pretend he wasn’t, you really did. But it was nearly impossible. You made sure you were accompanied by Sirius or one of your other friends throughout the entire day until you weren’t.

You were just running to the bathroom. You thought it would be quick enough for him to even notice you slipped out of class. It was stupid of you to think that. Just as you were about to enter the girl's bathroom, you felt a hand grab one of your wrists to stop you.

“You can’t avoid this y/n,” he said softly.

You inhaled sharply, refusing to look at him. “Let me go Regulus.”

“I don’t care about what happened and I’m not going to tell on you if that’s what you’re worried about,” he replied quickly.

“Then what do you want? I just- it was a mistake all right?” You felt your heart pounding in your chest. His hand was still on your wrist, your skin practically burned from the contact.

“Look at me.” His voice was hard. You turned slowly to look at him. His expression was soft, he looked almost... worried. “I know we’ve never been that close, but I suppose I’m now involved in your issues. You can talk to me; I want you to talk to me. You can’t keep all of whatever you’re feeling built up inside. It’ll only make you act out impulsively like yesterday.”

You let out a shaky breath. “It was a mistake. It should have never happened I was just... overwhelmed.”

“I know. And I don’t blame you.”

You hated how he said just the right words to make you fold completely.

“They don’t trust me. Even your brother. They seem to think I have some deep plot or that I want to murder the muggle-borns. It’s just... it’s too much Reg. I hate being constantly watched, it’s like they’re waiting for me to make a wrong move that proves their theories.”

“So, why don’t you leave?”

His question caught you off guard. Why didn’t you leave? You hadn’t really thought about it. Sure, you knew that you and Sirius were going to end eventually. But you hadn’t given much thought to how it would occur. Perhaps a mutual agreement? You didn’t know. And you told Regulus exactly that.

“Well, then it’s your fault you feel this way,” he replied.

You scoffed and pulled your wrist from his grip. “Thanks, Reg, you really know how to cheer a girl up.”

“Do you want me to lie and say it’s not your fault? Sorry, I’ll give it another go. It’s not your fault at all y/n, you’re being forced to be around my blood-traitor brother and all his mud-blood friends.” His voice was cold, but for some reason, it didn’t make you feel small. “Was that better?”

“Listen I know I have the choice but it’s just... it’s hard when you care about someone,” you said, ignoring his question.

He sighed and shook his head. “If leaving isn’t what you plan on, then I suppose you’ll have to settle on talking to Sirius about how you feel. I assume you haven’t done that yet?” You shook your head, and he rolled his eyes. “Then talk to him and see if maybe that helps.”

“But what if-”

“If he reacts badly then you break up with him, it’s not that hard to comprehend y/n. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to return to our class, so no one gets any more suspicious.” He cut you off.

You were left outside the girl's bathroom with your mind racing, and your wrist still tingling where Regulus had held it.

~~~

April 25, 1978

It took you over a day to muster up the courage to follow through with Regulus’s suggestion. No wonder you weren’t in Gryffindor. The opportunity for you to speak with Sirius alone came after lunch when the two of you had a free period. As usual, you spent most of the time up in Sirius’s bed. So, as the two of you laid next to each other, spent from another good time, you decided it was a good time to bring up how you felt.

“Sirius,” you spoke softly. Your head was on his chest, your fingers drawing circles on his skin. “Can I talk to you about something?”

“’ Course love, anything,” he replied sweetly.

You inhaled deeply and kept your head down. “We’ve been seeing each other for a decent amount of time now and I’ve enjoyed it very much, but it’s just...” You swallowed. “Your friends... they don’t accept me.”

“How do you mean?”

“Come on, don’t you see how they treat me? They always give me these looks; they whisper about me. I’m sure they’ve all voiced their concern about me to you,” you answered.

“They don’t mean it to make you feel bad, they just you know... Lily is muggle-born, and so is Mary.”

“I’m aware of that. That has nothing to do with me, you should know I don’t care about blood status.”

“Well yes but your house, the people you are friends with, they care. You can’t blame my friends for being weary.”

You sat up and looked at Sirius, suddenly full of anger. “I am not like the other people in my house, and it’s hypocritical for them to judge me based on that. Have I ever proven myself to be anything like the other Slytherins?”

“No, but-”

“But nothing Sirius. I’m not like them, and it hurts that you don’t even bother to make your friends believe that.” You cut him off. You got off his bed and began to gather your clothes. “It’s clear I’m not welcome here.”

“Y/n-”

You began to button your shirt. “No Sirius it’s fine, I understand. I thought you Gryffindors were supposed to be welcoming, I suppose that assumption was wrong too.”

Just as you were about to bend down to retrieve your tie, you felt Sirius’s warm hands on your hips. Instinctively, you turned to look at him. He stared up at you with a frown on his face. You hated how perfect he still looked with such a sour expression.

“You’re right, I should advocate for you more. I’ll do that from now on. You are nothing like the other Slytherins, you’re perfect y/n. I’m sorry for not catching on to this sooner.” His words were sincere, you could tell. It made your anger subside.

“Thank you,” you said, a small smile on your lips.

“Now, can you get back into bed for a little longer?” He asked.

You nodded with a chuckle and slid back beneath the sheets. Though you felt relieved and happy at the outcome of your conversation, you couldn’t help but think about what Regulus’s reaction to the news would be.

For some reason, you knew he wouldn’t be pleased.

~~~

April 26, 1978

His eyes searched your face; you tried your hardest to keep your expression neutral. The two of you were up in the astronomy tower, the glow of the moon and stars your only source of light. You didn’t know why you felt almost ashamed telling him about the conversation you had with Sirius. Something deep within you knew the outcome wasn’t what the younger Black brother wanted.

“I’m a bit confused,” he said after a moment of silence.

“What about?”

“If the conversation truly went as you say it did, why aren’t you happy?”

“What do you mean? I am happy. I think I even saw a bit of improvement today,” you answered honestly.

Regulus only shrugged and turned to look off the balcony. “Could’ve fooled me.”

“I really am happy Reg this is what I wanted. Now they won’t be so judgmental and perhaps I’ll start to finally feel welcomed,” you replied.

You stared at him for a minute. The soft glow of the moonlight illuminated his features in a way you’d never seen before. He was handsome. With his sharp jawline, his dark curly hair, and his prominent cheekbones how could he not be handsome?

Eventually, he turned his eyes back to you, and for a split second, your breath caught in your throat. There was something intense in his light eyes that you couldn’t decode. It made heat rush straight to your face.

“All right, if that’s what you want,” he said. “See you around.”

With that, he left. And you almost followed him, almost.

~~~

April 27, 1978

Something was wrong with you. Very wrong.

You couldn’t stop thinking about the one boy in Hogwarts you really shouldn’t have been thinking about. It was wrong, especially in the way you were thinking about him. You tried to distract yourself in every way you could. With your friends, with Sirius, with schoolwork. But nothing worked.

Perhaps it was the intense dream you’d had the previous night that kept your mind wandering. After all, who could simply brush off an intense sexual dream about their boyfriend's brother? It made you blush and feel ashamed each time it crossed your mind throughout the day. And when you saw Regulus around the school, you almost fell apart.

It was as though a switch had been flipped inside you. Gone were the innocent friendly thoughts you had about the younger Black brother. They were replaced by awfully inappropriate ones.

But you were determined to make them vanish. Because to act on such thoughts would be terrible.

Right?

~~~

April 28, 1978

Avoiding Regulus was hard given he was in almost all your classes, and he shared the same common room as you. But you tried your hardest. You spent the day clung to Sirius as much as you could, despite the fact you were upset with him. Being around him meant being away from his brother. That was the important thing.

Things between you and Sirius’s friends had not changed much. You wondered if he had even said anything to them. If he did, it didn’t seem like it. It hurt you, but it didn’t occupy your thoughts as much as it previously had.

Actually, it made you realize something you were too afraid to admit.

Regulus seemed to care more about your feelings than your boyfriend.

That thought scared you. And it only made your improper thoughts about him grow.

~~~

April 29, 1978

You sat up in the Astronomy tower with your legs dangling off the balcony, a bottle of firewhiskey beside you. For the first time in months, you couldn’t deal with your thoughts without a substance. Luckily your boyfriend had a stash of alcohol and was able to spare you a small bottle. So, you took it with a big thank you and practically ran up to the tower. You needed to clear your head. You needed to escape.

There was a slight breeze, it made you clutch your robe tighter around your body. The alcohol helped too. You took another swig, a sigh escaping your lips at the feeling. You liked the way it made your chest warm, and how it made the thoughts of Regulus fade.

Suddenly, you heard footsteps. You gathered the bottle into your robe but remained seated. Whoever it was, they’d catch you anyway. There weren’t many hiding spaces in the tower. So, you prepared for an angry Filch to scold you.

“I figured you’d be up here, your roommates said they hadn’t seen you, neither did my brother.” The gentle voice of the boy you were trying to avoid spoke.

You whipped your head around fast, your mouth hung open slightly. He was only a few feet away from you, and still getting closer. “You talked to him about me?”

“Told him we have a project together and he still wasn’t very welcoming. I see why you feel out of place now,” he answered as he lowered himself to sit beside you. “Care to share any of that with me?”

“Since when do you drink Mr. Prefect?” You questioned skeptically.

He shrugged. “I’ve indulged before, is that surprising? I am almost of age you know.”

“You just don’t seem like the type that’s all,” you replied honestly. You removed the bottle from under your robe and handed it to him. “I’m a bit ahead of you though.”

Regulus didn’t reply. Instead, he popped the cap off the bottle and took a few swigs. You watched carefully, unable to hide your smile when his face scrunched up from the bitterness. Even then, he was still beautiful.

“Wine is much better than this,” he said after a minute as he handed the bottle back to you.

You nodded. “Taste wise, yes, but this gets you drunk much faster.”

“Is that what you want? To get drunk?”

You nodded again and took a swig from the bottle. He had a point, firewhiskey tasted awful. But you needed it, especially since Regulus had caught you alone and even more because he looked far too good in the moonlight.

“I thought things were going to get better with my brother,” he spoke.

“I thought so too but it seems he isn’t good at keeping his word,” you replied with a frown.

Regulus chuckled and took the bottle again. “Well look at him, he’s a filthy blood traitor, what do you see in him?”

“He’s kind, outgoing, very fun to party with, and of course one of the most handsome boys in the school,” you answered. You couldn’t help but smile when Regulus rolled his eyes. “None of that matters though. We’ll be splitting up soon.”

“Yeah?”

The hope in his voice was undeniable. It made your heart rate quicken.

“Yeah. He’ll be leaving school soon and we never really planned to last this long anyway so it only makes sense that we’ll be splitting.”

As he handed you the bottle back, your fingers brushed. You held in your breath, your mouth suddenly felt dry, and a tingle began in the small place where his skin met yours. Your eyes met again and from the way his starry eyes suddenly appeared darker you knew he felt what you did.

You should’ve looked away. You knew you should’ve. You’d like to blame the alcohol for the way you felt, but Regulus Black had proven himself to be more magnetic than any boy you’d ever met so there was no use excusing it. So, despite the fact it was wrong, you didn’t move when he started to lean closer.

“I’m glad to hear that,” he said, his voice quieter than before.

“I’m sure you are,” you replied. He was close, his lips only inches away from yours.

“Why’s that?” He asked.

His eyes were so beautiful, you could barely focus on the words that came out of his mouth. “Because you...”

Your eyes fluttered shut and you felt his soft lips brush against yours. He was so gentle; you could barely even feel him. And after only a few seconds he pulled back. Your eyes remained closed.

“Because I’m...?”

“Reg, don’t make me ask you.”

“Oh, but I want to hear it so bad.”

“Just shut up and kiss me already.”

He didn’t hesitate to fulfill your request and soon enough he was kissing you with an intensity you weren’t sure you ever felt before. One of his hands fell to your waist, his fingers quickly untucking your shirt from your skirt. You let your fingers run through his curls as you’d imagined doing so many times over the previous days.

When he pushed you back and urged you to lie down, you did it. When he pushed your knees apart and slid between your legs you didn’t protest. It was terrible, you were cheating on your boyfriend with his little brother. But at that moment no thoughts could even register in your head. All you could think about was how good Regulus’s body felt against yours and how good he was at kissing.

Perhaps things moved faster than they should’ve. Perhaps they should’ve never moved in that direction to begin with. Either way, within only a few minutes both of your robes were discarded and one of Regulus’s hands was between your thighs. His lips remained on yours as he toyed with you, his soft kiss engulfed each of your moans. You traced your fingertips up and down his back, your hand under his shirt. He was soft but rough, he was perfect.

“I want you,” he suddenly whispered against your lips.

Your eyes opened, he pulled back a bit, and your eyes met his. He didn’t stop his fingers; you could barely think of what to say. “I want you too Reg.”

“Right now?” He asked.

“Right now,” you assured him breathlessly.

You watched him fumble with his belt for a few seconds before he distracted you with another kiss. He was intoxicating, to say the least. Every one of your senses was flooded with Regulus Black. The scent of his cologne, the feeling of his hands under your skirt, the taste of the firewhiskey he’d previously drank, the sound of his shallow breath, the brief glimpses you stole of his pretty face, it was almost too much for you to handle.

Once his belt was finally undone you felt him shift and you knew what was to come. You didn’t think of stopping him for a second. Instead, you threaded your fingers back in his black curls and held him tighter. He pushed your panties to the side and without warning began to slowly push his cock inside you.

You bit down on his lip, your back arched off the floor, and your thighs squeezed around him. He didn’t stutter with his movements and began to thrust in and out at a pace that made your head spin and your insides warm.

After a few minutes, he began to trail his mouth down your neck, the sensation making it impossible for you to stay quiet. You gripped one of his biceps with your hand and your eyes squeezed shut as he fucked you. He was careful despite the heat of the moment, however. You were silently grateful. No marks would be left on your skin.

“Reg,” you moaned. “Fuck Reg.”

He staggered for a moment. “Are you okay?” The vibration of his voice on your skin made you almost moan again.

“Yes, yes. Please don’t stop,” you whimpered.

It would be impossible for you to know exactly how long it went on. But by the time it was over, you felt no effects from the alcohol you’d drank before. You came hard, arguably harder than you’d ever come in your life. Regulus did something to you that you couldn’t understand. So, when he asked if it was ok for him to finish inside you said yes.

The two of you laid next to each other in the aftermath, a few inches between your bodies. Sweat covered the inside of your shirt, and another substance leaked between your thighs. You only stared at the ceiling and the stars above as you steadied your breathing.

“I won’t tell,” Regulus said after some time.

“Thank you,” you replied quietly. You were still in a daze; your mind couldn’t process what had just occurred. You sat up, your back was already starting to ache. “I should go.”

From the corner of your eye, you saw Regulus sit up too. “Yeah, you should.”

You slid your robe over your arms and straightened out your tie and shirt. Before you stood, you made sure to grab the bottle of firewhiskey and conceal it under your clothes. You looked down at Regulus briefly, he was already looking at you. It made your face heat up.

You gave him a weak smile. “I’ll um... I’ll see you tomorrow then. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

You escaped before anything else could be said and raced down to your dorm.

The whole night you tossed and turned in bed, your head full of thoughts that would not let you sleep. You cheated on Sirius. With his brother. It was almost unimaginable. You’d never thought of cheating before, it never crossed your mind. But there you were a cheater.

You just hoped Sirius wouldn’t ask where you were on April 29th.

Because he really wouldn’t want to know.

[newobsessionweekly]

Under the radar

Main masterlist | 9-1-1 masterlist

Evan "Buck" Buckley x Bradford!reader

Crossover 911 x The Rookie

Fandom: 911; The Rookie

Summary: You and Buck are happily together in a relationship kept away from your big brother, Tim. Little did you know he's going to find out in a not so pleasant way.

A/N: Crossover! I looove this. Tim would surely be an overprotective brother, looking out for his sister every step. I loved the chemistry between Tim and Angela and how they have that brother-sister kind of relationship and couldn't help myself. I love Buck too. Hope you like it and can't wait for your feedback. Thank you for your support! Lots of love, bubs! I really appreciate all of you.

Fluff | A bit of angst

Requested: no

Words: 5.4k

Warnings: Description of a pileup, unconsciousness, hurt, fire

You wake up to the sound of your alarm blaring, groaning as you roll over and squint at the bright light filtering through the curtains. Another day, another shift. You stretch, feeling the knots in your muscles protest from the previous day's exertion and made your way to the kitchen.

Tim groaned as he poured himself a cup of coffee, his expression as sour as the burnt toast sitting on the kitchen counter. "Morning," he muttered, barely sparing a glance in your direction.

You were lost in your own little world, your phone held tightly in your hand as you typed away furiously. A dreamy smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you texted Buck, your heart skipping a beat with each message exchanged.

You: Morning, sunshine

Buck: Good morning, beautiful. Did you dream of me last night?

Your feelings for Buck had blossomed gradually, like a delicate flower unfolding under the warmth of the sun. It had started innocently enough, with casual conversations and shared laughter during your shifts. But as you worked side by side, facing danger and disaster together, your bond had deepened into something more profound.

"Thank you for not ignoring me," your brother remarks sarcastically, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

You: Maybe... or maybe I dreamt of murdering Tim. Anyways I did had a good sleep.

Buck: Ouch, right in the heart! But seriously, can't wait to see you today.

Finally emerging from your daydream, you blink blearily, trying to focus on Tim's figure looming over you."Sorry," you mumbled, finally tuning into the conversation. "What were you saying?"

Tim eyed you suspiciously, his grumpiness giving way to mild annoyance. "You sleep well?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

You: Sameee. Just don't forget to bring coffee, or else I'll have to reconsider this whole relationship.

Buck: Yes, ma'am.

You nodded absentmindedly, a dopey smile spreading across your face as you relived your daydream. "Uh-huh," you replied, barely suppressing a yawn.

"What's with the smile, huh?" he eyes you suspiciously, his gaze lingering on your phone "Who are you texting?" he asks, his tone tinged with curiosity.

You feel a pang of guilt gnawing at your insides, knowing that if you tell Tim the truth, it could lead to a confrontation you're not ready for. But at the same time, you can't bring yourself to lie to him, not after everything you've been through together.

You found yourself drawn to Buck's magnetic charm, his unwavering dedication to his job, and his genuine kindness towards others. He had a way of making you feel safe and understood, of easing the burdens that weighed heavy on your shoulders. And as you spent more time together, you couldn't deny the growing affection that bloomed within your heart.

"Just picturing all the ways I'm gonna kill you some day," you quip, a mischievous glint in your eye.

All you can think about is Buck – his bright blue eyes that sparkled with mischief, his tousled blonde hair that fell effortlessly across his forehead, his strong, lean frame that radiated confidence and strength.

Tim rolls his eyes, but a hint of amusement flickers in his expression. "Very funny. You know, you're lucky I even let you live here rent-free."

"Yeah, yeah, remind me again why I agreed to be your roommate?" you retort, stretching lazily.

"Because you're too lazy to find your own place, that's why," Tim shoots back without missing a beat.

Your mind drifts back to Buck, his infectious laughter ringing in your ears. You can't help but smile at the thought of him, your heart fluttering at the mere mention of his name. But as Tim's voice pulls you back to reality, a pang of guilt washes over you. You know you should tell Tim about your relationship with Buck, but the fear of his disapproval holds you back.

"Lazy? Says the guy who leaves his dirty socks all over the living room," you tease, poking fun at his infamous habit.

"Hey, those socks are strategically placed as a warning to any potential intruders," Tim defends himself, a smirk playing at the corners of his lips.

"Right, because nothing scares off burglars like the smell of your sweaty feet," you counter, unable to suppress a giggle.

"You're hilarious, you know that?" Tim chuckles, shaking his head.

"Just calling it like I see it, Timmy," you reply cheekily.

"Don't call me that," Tim grumbles, though there's a trace of fondness in his voice.

"Whatever you say, Timmy," you tease, unable to resist poking fun at him.

"Ugh, you're impossible," Tim declares with mock exasperation.

"You love me, though," you say with a grin, knowing full well how much your brother cares for you.

"Yeah, yeah, don't push it," Tim replies, though there's a softness to his tone. "Well, I was actually gonna ask if you wanted to grab breakfast before we head out. There's this new place that just opened up-" he continues, but you quickly interrupt.

"Sorry, Tim, I can't. Got to get to the station early today," you interject hastily, hoping he won't press further.

"Early? Since when do you voluntarily show up early?" Tim's brow furrows in confusion.

"Since today! Gotta, uh, organize some... stuff," you lie, willing him to drop the subject before he uncovers your secret.

Tim eyes you suspiciously, but eventually shrugs, deciding not to push further. "Alright, suit yourself. Just don't forget to lock up before you leave."

"Got it," you reply, already mentally preparing yourself for the day ahead.

As Tim heads out the door, you let out a sigh of relief, grateful for the brief reprieve. But as you gather your things and make your way to the station, the weight of your secret hangs heavy on your shoulders. You know you can't keep hiding forever, but the thought of confronting Tim fills you with dread.

For now, you push aside your fears and focus on the task at hand, burying yourself in your work and trying to ignore the nagging voice in the back of your mind. But deep down, you know that sooner or later, you'll have to face the truth and find the courage to tell Tim about the man who has stolen your heart.

As the morning sun streamed through the curtains, casting a warm glow over the room, you found yourself wrapped in Buck's arms, the two of you basking in the quiet intimacy of the moment. His touch was gentle against your skin, each caress igniting a spark of affection within you.

"Morning, sunshine," Buck murmured, his voice soft and filled with warmth.

You playfully nuzzled closer to him, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips. "Hey, handsome," you replied, your heart fluttering at the sight of his endearing smile.

As Buck gazed at you, his heart swelled with a mixture of love and adoration. To him, you were a vision of beauty, your features illuminated by the soft morning light. Your eyes sparkled with warmth, reflecting the depth of your soul. He could lose himself in the depths of your gaze for hours, finding solace and comfort in the silent connection you shared.

He grinned as he handed you a steaming cup of coffee. "Here's your coffee, as promised," he said, his eyes twinkling with mischief.

"Oh! You're my hero," you teased, taking a grateful sip of the warm brew.

"Speaking of heroes," Buck said, a playful glint in his eye, "How about I save you from Tim tonight? A little date at my place. I'll get some pizza, we can continue our show. How does that sound?"

Your smile was like sunshine, lighting up the room and chasing away the darkness. It was infectious, capable of lifting his spirits even on the darkest of days. And when you laughed, it was music to his ears, a melody that echoed in his heart and filled him with joy.

You raised an eyebrow, unable to suppress a teasing grin. "Sounds like you want to save Tim," you quipped, leaning in to plant a soft kiss on his cheek. "But its perfect."

As you settled back into his embrace, enjoying the peaceful moment, Buck's fingers traced gentle patterns on your skin, sending shivers of pleasure down your spine. His touch was a soothing balm, a tangible reminder of the love and affection you shared.

It was the way you moved with grace and confidence, a silent strength that drew him to you like a moth to a flame. Your touch was gentle yet powerful, capable of soothing his soul with a single caress.

In your presence, Buck felt a sense of peace and contentment that he had never known before. You were his anchor in the storm, his rock in times of uncertainty. He cherished every moment spent with you, treasuring the memories you shared like precious gems.

But above all else, it was your love that meant the most to Buck. It was a love that transcended words, a bond that defied logic and reason. With you by his side, he felt invincible, ready to face whatever challenges life threw his way.

As he looked at you now, snuggled close in his arms, Buck couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with gratitude. And as he pressed a tender kiss to your forehead, he silently vowed to cherish you, to love you with every fiber of his being, for you were the light of his life.

You cuddled together, enjoying each other's presence, while Buck took a sip of his coffee. "It's a quiet morning," he remarked, his voice laced with contentment.

"Hey there, big guy, don't jinx it," you teased, snuggling closer to him. "I won't survive another catastrophe today."

Buck chuckled, leaning in to steal another kiss. "Make me shut up, then," he murmured against your lips, his touch sending shivers of delight through your body.

Just then, Hen's voice broke through the tranquility of the moment. "Morning, love birds. You're here early."

You exchanged a sheepish glance with Buck before responding. "Just wanted some peace and quiet. Tim's been overly grumpy and asking a lot of questions lately."

Across the room, Hen busied herself with her morning routine, flashing you a knowing smile as she prepared for the day ahead. Eddie glanced up from his paperwork, curiosity evident in his expression as he listened to your conversation.

"You still didn't tell him yet?" Eddie asked, his tone gentle yet probing.

"It's none of his business," you replied firmly. "But ever since what happened to Lucy and the serial killer she met at the bar, he's been overly protective."

Hen nodded in understanding, her gaze filled with empathy. "Not surprised. That man has seen a lot of bad things. And people."

"You should tell him, it'll be easier for both of you," Eddie suggested gently, his eyes meeting yours with unwavering support.

Before you could respond, the shrill sound of the alarm shattered the silence, announcing multiple calls at once. Everyone turned their attention to Buck, who raised his arms playfully in surrender.

You leaned into Buck, stealing a quick kiss before jumping into action. "You're in trouble, and I don't think I can save you this time," you whispered teasingly, a playful glint in your eye as you prepared for the day ahead.

When you arrived at the scene, the full extent of the chaos became apparent. A pileup on the highway had caused a scene of utter devastation, with mangled cars strewn haphazardly across the road. Smoke billowed from the wreckage, obscuring the sky with a thick haze.

"My brother's here," you muttered, your voice tinged with resignation as you spotted Tim amidst the chaos.

Without hesitation, you and Hen rushed to assess the situation, your training kicking in as you surveyed the scene. Tim followed closely behind, his expression serious as he briefed you on the situation.

"Multiple vehicles involved, injuries reported," Tim explained, his voice tense with urgency. "We need to triage and assess the scene before you can begin extraction."

You couldn't help but feel a surge of frustration at the news. "What did you do until now?" you demanded, your tone gruff with irritation.

Tim sighed heavily, his shoulders slumping with weariness. "We tried to do some triage, but there are much more people trapped in cars than we thought," he admitted, his voice strained with exhaustion.

With a shared glance, you and Hen wasted no time in getting to work, your focus laser-sharp as you assessed the situation and began to formulate a plan of action. Despite the chaos surrounding you, you felt a sense of determination coursing through your veins, a fierce resolve to save as many lives as possible.

Eddie joined you, lending a helping hand as you worked together to triage the injured as Buck and Bobby prepared the necessary equipment, coordinating with the rest of the team.

Buck's eyes never strayed far from you, his gaze filled with concern and admiration as he watched you work. You spotted one victim in particular who needed immediate assistance. Their car showed signs of imminent danger, with smoke billowing from the engine and flames licking at the edges of the wreckage. The victim was unconscious, barely breathing, and time was of the essence.

"Buck! I need your help over here!" you called out urgently, your voice cutting through the chaos.

Without hesitation, Buck rushed to your side, his expression filled with determination as he assessed the situation. Tim couldn't help but notice the glances exchanged between you and Buck, couldn't deny the bond that existed between you and Buck, nor the unwavering support of Buck by your side.

"Bradford, take the conscious and slightly hurt victims out of the cars and away from this place," you instructed your brother, your voice firm with authority.

Tim nodded in acknowledgment, his gaze filled with pride as he followed your orders without question. With a shared glance, you and Buck continued to work tirelessly, your determination unwavering as you fought to save lives amidst the chaos of the scene.

The flames danced menacingly around the wrecked car as you and Buck exchanged a brief, determined glance before springing into action. With a sense of urgency, you assessed the situation, noting the victim's precarious position amidst the wreckage. Their breathing was shallow, and time was running out.

Working quickly but methodically, you and Buck coordinated your efforts, communicating silently as you devised a plan of action. Buck moved to one side of the car, while you positioned yourself on the other, your hearts pounding in unison as you prepared to extract the victim from the burning wreckage.

With practiced precision, you reached into the car, carefully maneuvering around the flames as you worked to stabilize the victim's condition. Buck mirrored your movements, his touch gentle yet firm as he assisted you in securing the victim's vital signs.

Tim's watchful gaze lingered on you and Buck as you worked together, his eyes narrowing slightly as he observed the subtle exchange between you. He couldn't help but notice the way your hands lingered on each other's, the way Buck never left your side in face of danger, guarding you from the fire.

You synchronized your movements, lifting the victim free from the wreckage with practiced precision. The flames licked at the edges of the car, threatening to engulf you in their fiery embrace, but you refused to be deterred, your determination unwavering as you fought to save the victim's life.

With a collective effort, you and Buck carried the victim to safety, laying them gently on the ground as you assessed their condition. Their breathing was shallow, their pulse weak, but there was hope yet. With swift yet careful movements, you administered emergency medical treatment, your hands moving with practiced precision as you fought to stabilize the victim's condition.

And as the flames finally engulfed the wrecked car, sending plumes of smoke billowing into the sky, your hearts racing with adrenaline as you watched the scene unfold before you.

When the last of the victims were safely extricated and the flames were extinguished, the chaos of the scene began to dissipate, replaced by an eerie calm. You gathered around the ambulance, watching as police officers worked to ease the flow of traffic, their lights flashing in the fading light of day.

Buck's arm was wrapped around your waist, a comforting presence amidst the chaos. He pressed a tender kiss to your forehead, his voice filled with admiration as he spoke.

"You were incredible out there, Y/N," Buck murmured, his eyes shining with pride. "And so beautiful in action."

You couldn't help but smile at his words, the warmth of his praise filling you with a sense of accomplishment. With Buck by your side, you felt invincible, ready to face whatever challenges came your way.

But as the scene began to return to normalcy, Tim approached with Lucy by his side. You and Buck subtly distanced yourselves, exchanging a quick glance of understanding. Tim's eyes flickered back and forth between you and Buck as he spoke, his expression a mix of curiosity and concern.

It was killing you to keep your love a secret, especially from your brother. Eddie's words painfully echoed through your mind, knowing that telling Tim might ease the awkward tension. But it might as well make it worse, considering Tim's opinion regarding Buck.

There was this general misconception of police officers about the other branch of first responders. In Tim's mind, Buck was this reckless guy, putting himself in danger without hesitation, without considering the risks. He is way out of your league, he thought. Fearing that one day, Buck's action will put you in danger as well.

Buck was this ball of happiness and joy, leaving the impression of childishness. But he was more than that. Buck was selfless, putting everyone's life upon his. He was this ray of sunshine, warming everyone's day.

"Damn, Y/N, you were seriously badass out there," Tim exclaimed, his voice filled with genuine admiration. "You did a great job."

You couldn't help but grin at your brother's praise, his approval meaning more to you than words could express. Despite the occasional clashes and disagreements, Tim's support was unwavering, a constant source of strength and encouragement.

"Thanks, Tim," you replied, your tone sincere as you exchanged a brief hug with your brother. "I appreciate it."

Lucy chimed in, her eyes shining with admiration. "Seriously, you guys were like superheroes out there," she said, her voice filled with awe. "I don't know how you do it."

Buck chuckled, a playful twinkle in his eye. "Just another day at the office," he quipped.

Tim's gaze lingered on you and Buck for a moment longer, his brow furrowed in silent contemplation. Lucy nudged him gently, a knowing smile playing at the corners of her lips.

Tim's expression softened, his gaze filled with concern,"Be safe out there, okay?"

You nodded in acknowledgment, the weight of Tim's words settling heavily on your shoulders. "I will, Tim," you assured him, your voice filled with determination. "You too."

Tim and Lucy patrolled the streets as the events of the chaotic scene replayed in his mind, his thoughts consumed by concern for his sister. He couldn't shake the image of you working alongside Buck, your undeniable chemistry and shared closeness impossible to ignore.

"Hey, Lucy," Tim began, his voice filled with uncertainty. "What do you think of Buck?"

Lucy glanced over at Tim, a knowing smile playing at the corners of her lips. She had sensed Tim's unease ever since you arrived at the scene, his protective instincts kicking into overdrive at the sight of you in danger, especially when Buck was the one who came to your rescue.

"Buck?" Lucy repeated, her tone thoughtful. "He seems like a good guy to me. Always ready to lend a helping hand, never backs down from a challenge."

Tim nodded, his brow furrowing in silent contemplation. "Yeah, but what about him and Y/N?" he pressed, his concern evident in his voice. "Do you think they're...you know..."

Lucy raised an eyebrow, a mischievous glint in her eye. "You mean, are they more than just friends?" she teased, a playful smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

Tim's cheeks flushed with embarrassment, but he pressed on, his curiosity getting the better of him. "Yeah, exactly," he admitted, his voice tinged with uncertainty.

Lucy considered Tim's question for a moment before responding, her tone gentle but firm. "I don't know. Tim, you know your sister better than anyone," she began, her voice filled with sincerity. "If Y/N cares about Buck, then maybe he's not as bad as you think."

Tim sighed heavily, his shoulders sagging with resignation. "I just want what's best for her," he confessed, his voice tinged with frustration. "I don't think Buck would be the best fit, but..."

Lucy smiled sympathetically, her eyes filled with understanding. "Sometimes, we have to trust that our loved ones know what's best for them. And if Y/N believes that Buck is the right guy for her, then maybe we should give him a chance."

Tim sighed heavily, knowing that Lucy was right. "Yeah, maybe you're right," he conceded, his tone resigned. "I just... I don't know what to do."

Lucy squeezed Tim's hand once more, her gaze filled with warmth and understanding. "Just be there for her, Tim," she said softly. "Support her, no matter what. And if Buck makes her happy, then that's all that matters."

Tim nodded in agreement, a sense of determination settling over him. "Yeah, you're right," he said, his voice filled with resolve. "And if Buck hurts her, I'll kill him."

Lucy couldn't help but chuckle at Tim's earnestness, her laughter ringing out in the quiet of the shop. "Yeah, sure tough guy." she teased, a playful twinkle in her eye.

After the chaos of the call had subsided and the shift had come to an end, you and Buck retreated to the comfort of his apartment for a well-deserved date night. The soft glow of string lights cast a warm ambiance over the room, creating an atmosphere of intimacy and comfort.

Buck's place was a reflection of his personality – eclectic and inviting, with an array of knick-knacks and mementos adorning the shelves. The scent of pizza hung in the air, tantalizing your senses as you settled onto his bed, the soft comforter enveloping you in its warmth.

With the pizza box balanced precariously on your laps, you and Buck leaned back against the pillows, your laughter filling the room as you reminisced about the events of the day. The TV flickered to life, casting a soft glow across the room as you settled in to watch an episode of your favorite crime drama.

As the characters onscreen navigated the twists and turns of the case, you found yourselves drawn into the storyline, eagerly discussing each plot twist and revelation as it unfolded. Buck's arm was wrapped around your shoulders, holding you close as you leaned against him, your head resting on his chest.

"This episode is intense," you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper as the drama unfolded on screen.

Buck nodded in agreement, his gaze never leaving the television. "Yeah, but it's nothing compared to the real-life drama." he replied, his voice tinged with a hint of seriousness.

You couldn't help but feel a surge of pride at his words, grateful for the sacrifices he made to keep others safe. "I know," you said softly, reaching up to brush a stray lock of hair away from his face. "But I'm glad we can still find moments like this."

As the episode drew to a close, you and Buck found yourselves lost in conversation, discussing everything from your favorite moments in the show to your plans for the future. Despite the late hour, neither of you were ready to part ways, content to linger in each other's company for as long as possible.

"Do you think Tim would mind if you spent the night here?" Buck asked tentatively, his voice laced with concern.

You paused, considering his question carefully. "Maybe," you admitted, biting your lip nervously. "But what Tim doesn't know won't hurt him, right?"

Buck nodded in understanding, his fingers gently tracing circles on your back. "I just want to make sure you're comfortable," he said softly, his gaze filled with love and tenderness.

You leaned into his touch, feeling the weight of his words wash over you like a warm embrace. "I am," you replied, your voice filled with certainty. "With you, I always am."

You settled into Buck's embrace, the warmth of his body enveloping you, and you couldn't help but feel a sense of contentment wash over you. His arms around you felt like home, a safe haven in the midst of life's chaos.

"So, about that call," Buck began, his voice breaking the comfortable silence as he shifted slightly to get more comfortable. "Your brother was practically breathing down our necks the whole time."

You chuckled softly, remembering Tim's overprotective nature all too well. "Yeah, he does that," you replied with a playful smirk. "He thinks he's the big tough cop, watching over his little sister and all."

Buck's laughter filled the room, the sound warm and genuine. "Well, he certainly made his presence known," he replied, his tone filled with amusement. "I think he sent me enough death glares to fill a whole season of crime dramas."

You snorted in amusement, burying your face in his chest to hide your grin. "You should count yourself lucky he didn't pull out his handcuffs," you teased, earning a playful swat on the arm from Buck.

Buck chuckled at your playful remark, his fingers tracing lazy circles on your back. "Oh, I don't know," he said, his voice tinged with mischief. "I wouldn't mind borrowing them for the night."

You lifted your head from his chest, a mischievous glint in your eye. "Oh, really now?" you replied, a teasing smile dancing on your lips. "And what exactly would you do with my brother's handcuffs, hmm?"

Buck grinned back at you, his gaze smoldering with desire. "Oh, I think you can use your imagination," he said, his voice low and husky.

You felt a shiver run down your spine at his suggestive tone, the air between you crackling with anticipation. Leaning in closer, you captured his lips in a heated kiss, your hands tangling in his hair.

Buck responded eagerly, his lips soft and sweet against yours as he deepened the kiss, his hands wandering teasingly over your body. The heat between you intensified, desire simmering just beneath the surface as you lost yourselves in each other's embrace.

And it was one of the most intense and beautiful nights you'd spent with Buck, wrapped in each other's arms, lost in a world of passion and desire. But the fairytale ended just as quickly as it began, the morning sun casting a soft glow across the room as the loud banging on the door shattered the peaceful atmosphere.

Groaning softly, you shifted in Buck's arms, the warmth of his embrace still lingering on your skin. Tangled in bed, naked and happier than usual, you didn't mind the sound at first. But when it grew louder with each passing second, you couldn't help but turn to Buck.

"Please make it stop," you pleaded, feigning a dramatic cry as you buried your face in his chest.

Buck chuckled at your reaction, pressing a tender kiss to your forehead before untangling himself from the sheets and reaching for his underwear. "I'll go check it out," he said with a smile, his voice filled with warmth and affection.

You watched Buck move gracefully across the room, his muscles flexing beneath his skin with every step. Despite the annoyance of the situation, you couldn't help but admire the sight of him, the way he exuded confidence and strength even in the most mundane of tasks.

As your boyfriend opened the door, his smile faltered at the sight of your brother standing on the other side. Tim's expression was a mix of concern and frustration, his eyes darting around the room as if searching for answers.

"Buckley," Tim greeted him, his voice tight with worry. "Have you seen my sister?"

Buck's mind raced as he tried to come up with a plausible explanation. "No," he lied, his heart sinking at the realization of the predicament you were both in. "Did something happened?"

Tim's brow furrowed in concern. "She didn't come home last night, and she's not answering her phone," he explained, his voice laced with worry.

Without waiting for permission, Tim urged his way into Buck's place, his eyes narrowing as he spotted you, covered only by the sheets, in Buck's bed.

"Thank you for letting me know you're not dead," Tim said sarcastically, disappointment evident in his voice as he addressed you.

You bristled at his tone, your patience wearing thin. "I don't need to report to you every hour, Tim," you snapped, your voice laced with frustration. "I'm an adult, and what I do is none of your business."

Tim snapped back, his voice sharp with anger. "I didn't asked you to do that, I just need to know you're safe," he insisted, his concern for your safety overriding any sense of courtesy. "I don't care what you're doing or who you're fucking."

You held your ground, meeting Tim's gaze with steely determination. "I'm safe with my boyfriend," you declared, your voice unwavering. "And you need to worry less about me and more about your own life."

Tim's expression softened slightly at your words, but he remained wary. "Your what?" he asked, his tone incredulous.

You sighed, knowing it was time to come clean. "Boy-friend. Lo-ver. Whatever you want to call him," you replied, spelling it out for him.

Tim's eyes widened in surprise, but he remained skeptical. "Does reckless child suit him?" he quipped, his attempt at humor falling flat in the tense atmosphere.

You bristled at his words, feeling a surge of protectiveness toward your boyfriend. "Buck is so much more than that," you began, your voice soft but firm. "He's selfless, caring, and always puts others before himself. He's seen things most people couldn't even imagine, and yet he still manages to find the good in every situation."

You paused, searching for the right words to convey the depth of your feelings for Buck. "He's my rock, Tim," you continued, your voice filled with emotion. "He's there for me when I need him, no matter what. And I love him."

Tim's expression softened as he listened to your words, the tension in the room easing slightly. "I just want you to be safe, Y/N," he said quietly.

Buck stepped in, his presence a comforting reassurance by your side. "I care about Y/N," he interjected, his voice filled with sincerity. "And I wouldn't allow anything to happen to her. I love Y/N."

Tim's gaze remained cautious. "If she gets even slightly hurt for whatever reason, you're the first I'll be hunting down," he warned, his tone serious.

Buck met Tim's gaze head-on, his own resolve unwavering. "Yes, sir," he replied, his voice filled with sarcasm and amusement.

As Tim shook his head in disbelief, still trying to come to terms with the idea of his little sister being in a relationship with a firefighter, he couldn't help but see both you and Buck as two reckless kids in his eyes.

"Kids these days," he muttered under his breath, a mix of exasperation and resignation in his tone.

You and Buck exchanged a knowing glance, unable to suppress a shared smile at Tim's reaction. Once he left Buck's place, the tension in the room dissipated, replaced by a sense of lightness and relief. You and Buck shared a laugh about the absurdity of the situation, finding humor in the unexpected turn of events.

"That's not exactly how I imagined you introducing me to your brother," Buck quipped, his laughter echoing through the room.

You chuckled softly, leaning into Buck's side. "Hey, at least he didn't pull out his handcuffs," you teased, a playful glint in your eye. "I think he likes you."

Buck grinned back at you, his playful air returning in full force. "It's not too late to ask him for the handcuffs," he joked, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

You rolled your eyes, swatting playfully at his arm. "Oh, shut up," you laughed, the tension of earlier completely forgotten. "We're gonna be late for work."

[hexofvex]

Jealousy headcanons with my Anemo favs ft. Gender Neutral!Reader

Characters: Wanderer, Xiao and Kazuha

CW: jealous behaviour (especially worse in Scara's), a bit of swearing

Total WC: 1348 words

A/N: Switching it up a bit until I get a good one-shot idea. I'm kind of using the idea of the nations having their own languages plus a common language in Kazuha's. Also I'm sorry Kazuha's is shorter I hope you enjoy it tho <3 and as always feedback is appreaciated!

Kazuha

Kazuha is the least jealous out of these three

He's rarely ever jealous if anything

He's very confident in the stability of your relationship

However, when he gets jealous, it's directed at the outsider, he's more annoyed than anything

Would probably just intrerrupt the conversation to place a kiss on your cheek (yk to show the person in question that they don't have a chance)

You'd obviously notice his that his atitude is a bit more cheeky than usual tho

And you'd be a tad bit surprised, because you didn't really expect something like this out of him

Kazuha was not the type to get irritated easily.

But as he watches the owner of dango stall flirt with you (shamelessly, I might add), he feels his jaw tensing up. Honestly, why were they dragging this out so much? He'd been so excited to show you around Inazuma City, and for the last fifteen minutes you were stuck at the dango stall.

Of course, you had no way of knowing what the seller was saying because of the specific expressions they were using, but he understood all too well. You were nodding your head politely, with a smile that looked more pained by each minute that passed.

When he's had enough, he walks over to the stall. "My love?"

You turn to face him, and he leans over to place a soft kiss on your cheek. "We need to leave."

You try to hide the wave of relief that washes over your face, as Kazuha explains something to the vendor. When they realise the context of your relationship, their attitude changes as embarrassment blooms in their expression, and Kazuha can't deny the exquisite satisfaction he feels at the sight.

"What did you tell them?" you ask, as the two of you continue your walk through the city.

"That we are two travelers that need to get back to Ritou, to catch our ship."

Not exactly a lie. Maybe except for the fact that the Alcor leaves in three days.

"Thanks for the save." Your lips curl up into a smirk. "Was kissing me a core part of the plan?"

Kazuha smiles, the kind of radiant smile that is more than enough to give you butterflies.

"Sorry, my dear. But if you knew the things they said to you...I just couldn't help myself."

Xiao

Very jealous, but tries his best to hide it

He thinks it's embaressing, how can an adeptus feel things such as jealousy

He also feels guilty and criticizes himself for not trusting you through and through

He knows, at a rational level, that you love him, so why is it that he feels like this?

(Un)fortunately for him, he can't hide shit from you emotion wise

Xiao felt like his head was underwater, barely registering what you were saying.

You had just returned from a comission which you had taken together with another adventurer. You were just telling him how glad you were that you ended up with a partner that could carry their own.

Someone that feels like an actual partner.

That's what you said, and although he knew it wasn't that kind of partner, he couldn't stop the thoughts from flooding into his brain. Would you need him anymore? He was so complicated and hard to handle, especially when karmic debt was taking a toll on him, it wouldn't be hard for you to find someone less exhausting-

"Xiao?"

The adeptus returns to the present, broken out by your voice. You're standing in front of him, puzzled look on your face.

"Did you zone out?"

Xiao swallows. "No. I was listening."

You frown. "What was I saying?"

"You were talking about the stone slates."

"I was, five minutes ago." You face softens as you take a few steps closer to him. "Xiao? Love, are you sure you're alright? Did something happen while I was gone? Is it the karmic debt? I'll go to the harbour right away to bring more medicine if you need it-"

"No. You don't need to worry, this is no matter. Continue your story...about...your friend." He curses himself for the way his voice cracks on the word friend. And of course, you notice, and your expression shifts to a lesser degree of worry.

"Are you jealous?"

"That is beaneath adepti-"

"It's fine if you are, you know. I mean, not fine for you, but, you don't need to feel embaressed about it. It's just how feelings are sometimes. You know I'd never actually...you know..."

His eyes widen. "No, of course not! I- Forgive me." He takes a deep breath. "I do not know what to do about it, you know this is all very new to me."

"Well,I guess I just have to show you until we crush every shadow of doubt." You cup his face and slowly press your lips to his. It's a simple kiss, but you make sure it communicates your feelings.

"A little better?" You ask after you pull away.

"Yes," he replies and pulls you in again.

Wanderer

Literally unbearable

Y'all know that meme that goes "You're the most jealous man I've ever known." "You know other men?"

Yeah that's him, but he does that with everyone

His abandonment issues are big as hell, it was kind of to be expected.

Unlike Xiao, he doesn't even try to hide his jealousy

The type of person to wake you up in the middle of the night to ask if you really love him

The fact that you're with his insufferable ass should be proof enough

You're sitting in your room, enjoying a book, drinking your tea, until you feel a disturbance in the force, when you hear the door to your house getting slammed.

And before you even get to process what's going on, said disturbance walks in your room.

"Who was that turnip head that was flirting with you earlier today?"

You close your book, put down your cup and lean back in your chair, crossing your hands.

"What?"

"About 10 A.M., in front of the Akademiya."

"Ah. That was a colleague. And they're taken, in case that helps ease your mind."

"Good."

"You know, have you ever considered that perhaps I'm not looking to cheat on you at every corner?"

Noticing the hurt tone of your voice, he backs off and the anger fades from his face.

"I might have acted too brashly."

"You think?" You leave your book and cup of tea abandoned on the table as you head towards the door. You stop and turn your head to face him. "I won't betray you, Kunikuzushi. You should know I wouldn't do that."

"I know that."

"Then what's the problem!?"

He sighs and avoids your gaze.

"I am. The more time I spend in your presence the deeper I fall. It is only natural that I wish to preserve this partnership of ours. Does that make sense to you, [Name]?"

Although you're familiar with his straightforwardness, such an admission still delivers a bit of shock.

"It does. Because I want the same thing."

You step closer to him and turn his head so he's facing you.

"You don't need to do all this. I love you, that's the whole reason why I'm with you. If you'd see things from my perspective, you'd never have these thoughts again."

He's silent for a moment, until he grabs your hand and squeezes it.

"I will make attempts to get rid of this. Because I want to believe in your love. Are you willing to believe in mine?"

You laugh. "What kind of question is that? Of course I am. Why do you think I'm still here?"

"It might not go perfectly on the first try, you know."

"I'm alright with that. Just try. You can do that for me."

He lets go of your hand and goes to cup your face, bringing it so close to his that your noses are touching, and you can see the swirls of fiery determination in his eyes.

"I cannot know the results, but I could attempt anything for you."

[awkward-tension-art]

Bacta and Bandages Chp.5 (Rex x Reader)

Chapter 4. Chapter 6.

Blushing

CW: Slow burn, Two fools trying to ignore their crushes, Rex being cute, firing practice, target practice, Reader is gender neutral, no use of (Y/N), reader is a doctor, if I miss a tag LMK!

Tag list (I am so happy people want to be tagged <3): @heavenseed76 @arctrooper69

Minors DNI

You had to be honest with yourself. 

Your aim sucked. 

As a field surgeon, you technically weren’t supposed to be anywhere near droids. Your main purpose was to stay behind the forces and perform surgery and intensive medical care to those with severe wounds.

Kix would be on the front lines and keep the injured alive as long as possible until he could get them to you. 

You could hit your targets, if they were big enough. Like a tank. Or if they were about 5 feet in front of you…

Ok, you couldn’t really hit your targets. You’ve been with the 501st for months now and you haven’t gotten any better. 

You debated going full clone trooper and just punching the droids. After all, the soldiers had just gotten proper armor for their hands. Maybe you could get a pair of armored gloves…

“Everything alright?” 

You perked up hearing the question from Rex, snapping your attention back to the present. You had zoned out, staring at the same datapad for several minutes now. 

Right, you had come to his office to help a supply crate mix-up. Someone hadn’t properly labeled the crates, so there were blasters mixed with medical supplies, and bandages mixed with armor…It was a mess. And to make sure nothing was missing, you and him were supposed to go over the numbers so no helmet or tube of bacta was out of place. 

You sighed, “Yea, just…thinking. That's all.”

The Captain raised a brow, silently encouraging you to continue.

Over your time with the 501st, you’ve been able to read Rex more than anyone else. You understood what he was thinking through his expressions. You could guess his feelings based on his stance and body language, even when he wore his helmet.

Perhaps it was your training as a doctor that allowed you to read him so easily. 

Or…maybe it was the growing affection you had for him.

It’s a passing crush, that's all. You told yourself, Clones aren’t allowed to have romantic relationships. This’ll pass. Don’t get your hopes up.

Shoving that thought out of your mind you put the datapad down, “I’m a terrible shot.”

Rex let out a soft and surprised chuckle at your blunt statement, “Well…you're technically not supposed to be.”

“No, I mean…even if I need to defend myself or the wounded…I miss almost every shot with a blaster.” You responded, “I’ve tried to practice but…I just can’t aim very well…”

He had a small smirk on his lips, “You can’t be worse than a clanker.” 

“I assure you, I am.” 

Rex laughed again, “I can teach you, if you want. Besides, I’m sure a break would be good for us both.” 

Your heart fluttered. 

“I’d like that.” 

Which is how you found yourself in the hangar, standing about 20 meters away from an empty crate with a painted target. There were scorch marks dotting the metal and yellow paint, indicating that you weren’t the first person to need aim training.

The makeshift target range was mostly out of the way and out of sight of everyone else in the hangar, offering some privacy.

“I didn’t know this was here.” You admitted, staring at the target. 

Rex shrugged, “Some shinies set this up. The General didn’t mind, so I kept it for anyone who wanted to practice their shooting.”

You nodded in understanding. Usually if something didn’t make sense, the answer was always ‘shinies’.

“Alright, now, pick up your blaster.” He took the tone of a commanding Captain. His arms were crossed as he watched you get your pistol ready. You wrapped your hands on your blaster, and got into the stance you were trained to be in. 

You didn’t even put your finger on the trigger before Rex spoke up, “Already, I see the issue.” he stepped towards you, putting his gloved hands over yours. He changed the position of your hold, moving one of your palms from the bottom of the grip to over your other hand. 

You blinked, “Oh, I was holding it wrong.” 

Rex had a relaxed smile, “It's a common mistake.” He stepped back and nodded, “Fire.” 

You pulled the trigger and the blaster kicked back as it fired. However, you managed to keep the gun relatively steady. Your shot missed the target, hitting the upper corner of the crate. With a sigh you looked over at the captain. 

He kept his arms crossed, “Focus on where you’re aiming. Where you look, that's where you’ll hit.”

With a steadying breath, you looked down the sights of your gun and pulled the trigger again. Your shot was closer to the target that time, however, still not a hit. 

“Better.” Rex approached again. This time, he got closer, putting his hands over yours and stepping behind you. You felt the plastoid of his chestplate on your back as he leaned into your body, “Raise the blaster a little higher and try again.”

Don’t get distracted. Don't get distracted. 

You swallowed and pulled the trigger. Again, your shot had gotten closer to the target, barely hitting the yellow of the first ring. Frustration hit you and you huffed. 

Rex laughed softly and it struck you how warm his laugh was. How lovely.

Stop it. Grow out of your crush, you're not some grade school student. You are a grown ass adult. Act like it.

“Just look at the target. Not the sights on the blaster.” The clone captain was rolling incredibly well with your failures. He kept his hold on you as you calmed your emotions to focus. You did as he told, staring at the bright yellow target meters in front of you.

With another breath, you fired. 

This time, you hit the target. Not a bullseye at all, but at least you hit inside the last yellow ring.

“Oh, hey I actually got it.” You perked up, smiling slightly. 

Rex, sadly, let go and stepped back, “Good, now do it again. I want to see you hit the target at least 4 more times.” He put his helmet on, crossing his arms to watch you. He was tense now.

You tried not to let his sudden shift in attitude bother you. He was probably worried that someone might turn the corner and see him so lax and uncaptain-like. Rex did have to be professional after all…

Still, you did miss the warmth he gave. 

Again, you pulled the trigger. Without him holding your gun steady, your shot veered slightly and hit the outermost ring, “That counts.” you stated, looking over to the clone. 

He nodded, “It counts. I’ll be nice this time. But just this once.”

You couldn’t hold back your grin and you shot again. Another hit. Still no bullseye, but you got closer. 

Hey, 3 for 3. One more.

Without getting over confident, you took a steadying breath and pulled the trigger. 

Again, no bullseye, but your shot landed inside the second ring. You were improving. Or this was just pure luck. Either way, you’ll take it.

You smiled and turned to look at Rex. He nodded in approval and stepped towards you, “Very good. You learn quickly. Better than most troopers who step off Kamino.” 

“Aw, you think I’m better than a shiny?” You joked, hoping to help him relax.

He huffed under his helmet, but you could hear the smile in his voice, “That’s not a high bar, Doctor.” 

“I’ll take the compliment, Captain.” 

He was about to respond when your and his coms both beeped. He answered his and you answered yours. 

“Doctor, there's a patient in the sick bay.”

“Captain Rex, you're needed at the command bridge.”

With a sigh, you shared a look with Rex and rolled your eyes. You gave him a grateful smile, “Back to work, then?” 

“It never ends.” He sighed, “If you want…if you want to practice again, just let me know.” 

Your answer was kind and sweet, “I will. Thank you, Rex.” 

As you parted ways, you tried to calm your beating heart. 

It's a crush. It's a crush. Grow up. Just grow up already!

Rex, on the other hand, kept his helmet on as he walked away, because he was certain he was still blushing like a damn cadet.

He’s a captain. Captains shouldn’t fucking blush!

[mitsukitsume]

I saw this idea from anonymous confession and wanted to write it out myself. I hope it did it well because English isn't my first language and I don't know how to write that good!.

Pov: He won't let you go.

TW!:  Toxic Isaac Au. Dark themes, suggestive content and toxic possessive Isaac. 

Living with Isaac had been one of your most comfortable and best years of your life. You did not have to worry about anything. Your previous life was the complete opposite. Switching between one problem to another. You could never find yourself at peace. Having faced abuse from a young age even made your love life difficult. You couldn't afford to pay for college either so you had to work minimal pay jobs which barely got you by. You were always left wondering if you'd even be able to eat today.

But all that had changed ever since you met him. Your prince charming saving you from distress. At first you were, obviously unclear of his intentions and were somewhat afraid of him but you realised soon enough that he genuinely wanted to help you. All your life, you had been made feel utterly useless and pathetic. Isaac changed that. He gave you a purpose, strength, courage , a new will to live and enjoy life to the fullest. You wanted the same for him. You wanted him to see more than his work and live life...with you as a team. You wanted him to be free of his past trauma and insecurity. Isaac couldn't resist and fell for you eventually. He softened towards you and you were beyond happy to find a life partner that treated you so well and make sure you were comfortable in every way. It almost all felt like a dream.

But it was not. 

There was always one problem. Going outside. You had always encouraged him to let go of his past and live life without being bound to the chains of his trauma. You understood why he was the way he was. You knew how much of a effect that one event had on his life. You sympathised with him but after all you were also human that craved to be free. You hadn't step a foot outside since his parents anniversary and that was only in the garden too. Whenever you tried to talk with him he'd turn the topic down. You were given everything except freedom. 

Isaac had just returned from Vic's funeral. You two were again having that same talk.

"I'd be happy to keep you locked up in here if that's what it takes."

What? Did you actually hear him right? You knew Isaac was possessive over you but you had no idea it was this much. You were taken a back by his words but quickly gained your composure.

"Isaac, you can't keep me here forever! I want to live a life too.. I know I said I wanted it to be with you but that meant being free together from our past!"

Why couldn't you just understand? It was dangerous for you to be out there. You needed him to protect you. You couldn't live without him. He had already seen proof of that. He won't let you ever slip out his hands again. He had lost everyone in his life but not you...no no no..Only death could separate you two. 

"You are free to do whatever you want pickle. Just not outside."

He said with a serious expression. Isaac was not budging when it came to let you go.

"What's the point of that!? You said we can be free and go outside... together...Isaac I feel like a prisoner here..this can't go on forever."

You told him while slightly raising your  voice at him.

He let out a big sigh before begining to speak again.

"For the last time, we will when the time is right. I can never be too sure. You know how dangerous my work is, yo-.....we..are never safe. I want to keep you protected here"

"I don't need your protection!"

You yelled.

In return , he let out a bitter chuckle. One that was clearly mocking you.

"Don't need my protection? You'd be...dead...if it wasn't for me. I saved you...and I will protect you. You need to admit to yourself that you... can't ever survive on your own." 

You heart ached upon hearing his words thrown against you. All this time...you thought Isaac thought of you as a strong person with courage and determination...but to him you were just a stupid damsel he saved...He thought of you as someone who couldn't survive on their own. He thought you needed him. The worst part of it all.....He wasn't lying.

You knew what the truth was but couldn't never bring yourself to admit it. You always tried to make yourself believe you could live without Isaac. But now hearing the same words you keep pushing away brought tears to your eyes. How could he ever?

"S-So...is..that seriously all you think of me...?

"A fool who can't look after themself!?!"

Tears were starting to blur your vision. It became hard for you to say anything as the lump in your throat became heavier and heavier. 

Isaac again let out a mocking scoff to your exclamation.

"I don't I need to remind you do I? How easy was your life when you were "protecting" yourself? I don't understand possibly why you'd find a reason to leave. I give you everything here..."

"Except freedom that is!"

"You don't NEED freedom! I have given you everything here! There is nothing for you OUTSIDE! My god! Why don't you just understand? It's dangerous! You can't be left alone on your own. You are never safe unless you are here with me. You are NOT  going outside and that's my final word."

You were standing there like a fool with tears in your eyes and pain in your heart. You were more disheartened by Isaac's words than angry. Just as you were about to run to your room, you felt Isaac grab your shoulders to keep a firm but not painful grip on them. You looked up at him with still teary eyes. 

Isaac's heart ached at the sight of tears in his love's eyes. He never wanted to hurt you. He's just trying to protect you! 

"I...I..am..sorry.. listen...I shouldn't have yelled like that...I just wanted you to understand..."

And with that Isaac pulled you into his arms and wrapped his arms around you in a protective embrace. You hesitantly leaned into his touch. He rubbed his hand up and down your back in a soothing manner. You felt your heart rate start to slow down. Even though you were mad at him, you couldn't deny the effect he had on you. Whenever you felt anxious. He was like a drug that calmed you down instantly. Once Isaac felt your calm, he gently pulled you to look into your eyes, your face was stained with a few tears. He leaned down and kissed your lips to which you kissed him back. He looked up again and looked straight into your eyes.

"Don't ever ask to go outside again."

His expression had completely changed. His face darkened with...anger? You couldn't even tell and for the first time in a while,

You were afraid of him...

A few days pass since that, things weren't really he same. You just saw Isaac in a different light . You still loved him to death and would do anything for him, but it was just

... different now. For him, it was still the same. Everything seemed to be okay for him. He knew how you felt and tried his best to make it as comfortable for you as possible.  Weather it be by spending loads of time with you or piling gifts for you. 

It was 7 pm currently. You were washing the dishes after dinner. The sun was just about to set and you looked outside through the glass window to see the beautiful canvas nature had painted. A smile crept to your lips as you saw the scene before you. You finished up your dishes and just as you were about to go, you thought of Isaac. For the past few days, you haven't been the best to him. Giving him the cold shoulder. You made your way into his study. He was there seemingly lost in thought with his work. You smiled and hugged him from behind. He felt your warm embrace and turned his chair around to see you. He smiled up at you. You couldn't help yourself but plant a kiss to his stupidly handsome face. You were suprised he never considered being a model. 

"And how can I serve you today...?"

You chuckled at his attempts of trying to sound formal.

"Hmm...I demand cuddles in my room at 7:20 sharp."

"Sorry...we might have to make a compromise...how about....7:50? I still some work to finish up. I'll be right there okay?"

You nodded and have him a final peck on the lips before leaving and making your way to your own bed. You laid down and made your self comfortable. The curtains were open and the sun had already set. The atmosphere in the room was... calm and relaxing. The light was off and the only source of light was from the window that had faint light from the dark blue sky. You passed some time on your phone until you heard footsteps coming towards your direction. You sat up and waited for the door to open and see Isaac come in. Isaac came in the room with a tired look. You smiled and opened your arms gesturing for to lay down with you. He smiled back and made himself comfortable between your arms.

"Are you tired..?"

You asked him while running your fingers through his silky hair.

"Mhmm..."

You further laid down in the bed and Isaac started to spoon you in his arms. He buried his face in the crook of your neck and planted soft kisses. You wrapped an arm around his shoulder and one in his hair. Isaac made his way down and kissed the sensitive spot right beneath your ear making you let out soft moans. He pulled his head up from his neck and kissed your lips. You reciprocated the kiss and pulled him a bit more closer. He pushed his tongue against your lips seemingly asking for entrance and deepend the kiss. You hadn't gotten any time to be close with Isaac for the past few days so you were both now enjoying this intimate moment to the fullest. You were both lost in the moment until you pulled back to catch your breath. Isaac grabbed the nearby blanket and pulled it over you two...

                                   🕘

The clock had just struck 9 pm. Isaac was fast asleep in your arms. You had just woken up still feeling sore from the previous events. 

Isaac was sleeping beside you. You must have rolled out his arms. You get up to drink a glass of water and fix yourself in mirror. Your mouth felt very dry so you made your way to the kitchen to eat something. It was a comfort knowing you could eat anything, anytime now.

As you were preparing to make something quietly so Isaac doesn't wake up, you noticed the front door and an idea came to your mind...

"Should I go outside?" 

Not too far or anything...just a walk outside...in the garden..just to feel the fresh air...you were tired of seeing the beautiful moon through the glass only. You wanted to see the stars and moon with a clear view...

Isaac is sleeping...he wouldn't know if you just slipped outside for a bit...right?

You took a peak in your shared room with Isaac, he was was fast asleep. You went up to him to make sure and he was sleeping peacefully. You walked back to the living room. You could feel your heart thumping. The front door has a code that you often saw Isaac put in, you had memorized it. You quickly typed in "6250" . It didn't work. You thought you had made a mistake. Again you typed it in carefully. It did not work. For the last time you typed in 6259. And that was wrong as well. You sighed but then your heart dropped as the house started to ring extremely loud like an emergency alarm. It was so loud. Isaac immediately woke up and ran towards the living room where he saw you standing there frozen in shock.

"What's wrong!?" 

He asked in a hurry. 

"I-I...just tried..to..o-open the front d-door.."

Isaac sighed in relief and dialed in a code to turn off the alarm. It had startled you to your core. But what came after was more intimidating. You were now standing Infront of Isaac unable to meet his gaze. 

"What.were.you.doing?"

".... trying to go in the garden..."

"At this time!? And why on earth would you go there in the first place?"

"BECAUSE!...I want to go outside! I am tired of staying indoors! I need fresh air! This is unbelievable Isaac!" 

"Oh my god...why dont you just...! We've already had this talk and I am not having it again with you."

"Yes you are! This can't go on forever! I won't let you control me!"

"Oh? And how are you going to stop me? Please enlighten me."

"I...I am going to leave the house!"

"And how would you do that..? And even if you did..you'd have no chance but to come back to me.."

"If....if...you don't let me leave...I'll...c-call...s-someone...t-the...c-cops.....or anything!" 

He laughed bitterly at your exclamation. Did you seriously not know who you were dealing with..?

"Go on....you have my full permission to. There's nothing they can do...and there's nothing you can do..if I let you go...where the hell would you even go...hmm? Back on the streets? I can take away every penny from your account...and there's nothing you can do. There is no official document..or any contract that says you work for me. You have no home, no one , no money, no education, just me. Someone who wants to keep you safe and cherish you...but you just don't understand that don't you...?"

You were silent or more so silenced. As much as it hurts to admit...he was right. There was nothing you could do. You were now forever dependent on him unless you try to make a career of your own but you know how that ends up. Again, tears started to swell up in your eyes as you realized the gravity of the situation. You felt like the same little child years ago standing Infront their parents feeling helpless and hopeless...

Isaac wiped the tear that escaped from your eyes. You just didn't know how to react...weather to push him away or lean into him. A million things were going into your mind right now. 

" There's no need to cry...that's the last thing I want pickle..."

He didn't understand why it was such a big deal for you. You were getting everything here so why outside? The more you wanted to go outside...the more he wanted to keep you with him. It had to be that way. He can't and won't lose you. Isaac hesitatently opened his arms to hug you. He pulled you into his arms and ran his hand up and down your back to sooth you.

"Please ..calm down.. try to understand...I just want to protect you.."

Isaac said to you although it seemed like he was reassuring himself more than he was reassuring you. You didn't push him away or protest. For some reason, even this man treated you like a pet or value able to keep rather than a human, you still loved him. You just couldn't help yourself. No matter what happens you always found yourself wanting to be in his arms. Being treated so harshly by other people all your life had left a big negative impact on you. The way others pushed you away but he held you closer...the way they used you and discarded you...while he was always there. You loved him despite it all. Maybe Isaac was initially right...maybe you do in fact have Stockholm syndrome. You didn't want to leave Isaac but also didn't want to continue life as it was. But going but your old life was nothing less than a nightmare. You held onto him a bit tighter. He carried you back to bed and you fell asleep still tired from the events that had just occurred.

This was your new life now. And you just have to accept it. No matter what.

[shamebats]

"I know it’s the common experience, but I think we need to be very careful pushing this narrative. When I came out as trans, I was engaged to a cis man. We’d been together five years, had a house, dog the whole nine yards. Pretty much everyone around us assumed, not asked, assumed that we would be breaking up. Knowing that we were both bi. He had been with just as many dudes as women before dating me.

That speaks absolute volumes to me, that the assumption is that a stable, healthy relationship would be automatically over just because of that. That no one could love us as we are. It was absolutely devastating. What hope do we have of educating cis people, encouraging them to do better if we’re also pushing this as a story? As just the way shit happens with no root cause analysis? Just “sexuality is hardwired”?

I know my case isn’t the average, but my now husband literally did not give a shit. I genuinely thought he hadn’t properly understood what I was telling him when I came out, because his response was just “yeah that tracks”. Like he fully expected me to come out as trans at some point and he just did not care (but in a good way) he’s been so supportive throughout, helped me with medical costs, looked after me when I had top surgery, all of it. Our relationship is better than ever because of it. I don’t shut him out anymore. I’m more confident and happy in myself so I can do more for him. I bought him flowers the other day, and I don’t think I ever could have let myself do that when I was presenting as a woman.

Yeah, sometimes love isn’t enough and that absolutely sucks, for whatever reason. I don’t think we should act like there aren’t societal and cultural factors at play in all this as well though. There’s a lot of evidence to say that sexuality is also partially socially constructed, particularly the way we experience and express our sexualities and the expectations surrounding them.

I also definitely think the whole “they will loose all attraction to you” thing isn’t entirely a sexuality thing, part of it is also a ‘we live in an extremely transphobic society’ thing. A lot of cis people feel shame about being with a trans person. We’re fine for a bit of fun but a good chunk of them just don’t see us as potential long term partners. A long term partner coming out as trans sometimes violates an important idea to them about what their life partner should be."

— a Reddit comment from a thread on r/ftm arguining against the assumption that coming out is guaranteed to/should end a romantic and/or sexual relationship.

[traumxrei-archive]

【 iv. the taste of flowers 】

summary: yuu was sick. okay, so maybe they overworked themself a little while preparing for the debutante, but that didn’t mean they needed to be on bed arrest ! what’s the worst that could happen if they snuck into the kitchen for a snack anyway ?

word count: 1.4k

author’s note: every time i write ruggie i’m like “wow i love this guy sm” and it was the same this time. i hope you like my rendition of him, ruggie likers ^^

[ the perfect debutante series | or read on ao3 (coming soon) ]

Being sick was most definitely not on Yuu's list of things to do for the Debutante. But they were. Sick. It seemed that they had over-exhausted themself after shopping all day with Floyd.

They vaguely remembered Floyd's guilty expression as he brought tea to their bedside. They had told him not to worry, but he seemed to be in low spirits for the rest of the day, according to Azul's report.

And now, well...

Yuu was sneaking into the kitchen.

After being cooped up in the room for so long, they needed some alone time. Alone time that didn't entail Riddle watching their every move like a hawk, or Silver insisting on doing everything for them. Their maids were diligent to a fault really, and Yuu was starting to feel a bit suffocated.

What they weren't expecting was that there would be someone in the kitchen. They stood behind the door. There was a soft humming and the smell of something that had their mouth-watering. Yuu cracked the door open a little. Through the gap, they spotted a pair of fluffy ears.

Ah. So it was Ruggie in the kitchen. Yuu calmed down a bit. The chance that they would be severely scolded for escaping the room had decreased. Still, they knew that someone would check their room soon, and they would get caught, so...

"Master?"

Holy crap. Their soul felt like it almost left their body.

They looked up to see Ruggie tilting his head, "I thought I heard someone, but I didn't expect it to be you, Master."

They got up from their crouched position, "Hi, uh... What are you cooking?"

"A little something for myself," Ruggie suddenly smirked, folding his arms. "What are you doing out of your room, Master? Riddle and Azul are going to freak out if they figure out you're gone."

Yuu stared at Ruggie with what they hoped was a pitiful look, "Please, I need 30 minutes of peace before they coddle me to death again."

"It's because they're worried about you. We all are," Ruggie said, going back to stirring the pot. "But I'm no snitch, shishishi~ Have a seat." There was a stool a little away from the stove, and from this close, they could finally see what Ruggie was cooking. It was...soup. A hearty-looking, vegetable soup, that was currently appealing to them with its scent.

"Are you here for some tea? Or are you hungry?" Ruggie sprinkled some more spices into his soup. "I could make you some soup?"

"What about that soup?" They blurted out. Dammit, they were trying to resist, and yet...

"This soup? It isn't worthy of Master's palette," Ruggie said before putting a lid on the small pot. "Plus, are you sure you wanna eat that?"

"What is it then?" The soup had looked normal enough to them, though they couldn't be sure. Ruggie was famed for using unconventional ingredients in his cooking before. They had heard many stories from Jamil, who found his experimentation interesting enough to talk about. (The other maid rarely talked too extensively, so Yuu had noted it in their mind when he did.)

"Erm," Ruggie's ears twitched, and he looked...almost bashful. "I used dandelions. I saw a few in the gardens and they needed to be weeded out anyway."

"Dandelions?" They cracked a smile. "So you can even cook with flowers?"

"You're not...?" Ruggie shook his head, before leaning his head back into his hands. "It's something my Bi— my grandmother taught me. There are many uses for dandelions, and she used to cook it for us in a soup."

Yuu understood it now. It had been a while since Ruggie had taken a break to go home. He tended to bulldoze through leave days that they set up by taking up other jobs. They ended up having him be their designated maid when the others went on leave. Ruggie was pleased with the setup, especially after they doubled his pay.

Money wasn't a worry to them, given that they were the heir of the Dukedom. But it had once been, back before Duke Crowley had adopted them. So they understood Ruggie's determination, especially with how fiercely he loved his family.

"Why don't you eat some?" Yuu leaned their face into their palm. "You spent all that time cooking it after all."

Ruggie's expression turned complicated for a moment. He hesitantly grabbed a bowl, ladling in a spoonful. His ears drooped for a moment before straightening. Yuu couldn't help but find the subconscious action adorable. 

He finally sighed, sliding the bowl in front of them, "Here. Your puppy eyes really are unfair, Master."

"Puppy eyes?" They mumbled, but they couldn't focus on anything other than the soup that was in front of them. Ruggie pushed a spoon into their hands, and they couldn't help but immediately try it.

"Well?" Ruggie asked, ladling his own bowl. It was...amazing. The soup was salty, but rich, and all the vegetables were perfectly cooked— not too soft with a nice crunch.

And that was when Yuu abandoned two things: their etiquette training and their pride. It didn't matter that it was hot, they kept shoveling spoonfuls of soup into their mouth.

Ruggie laughed as he ate his own bowl, "Slow down there, Master. If the chefs see you they'll throw a tantrum because you're guzzling that down so fast."

"But," They sputtered, gesturing at their half finished bowl. "It's so good! I can't even tell which part the dandelion is!"

"The green leafy bits," Ruggie looked proud, if the way his grin kept growing was any indication. "I save the flowers to make tea with." The maid spun around, turning to a cupboard and grabbing what looked like a jar. In it were many dried dandelion buds. "Ah, I also have dandelion syrup," Ruggie gestured to another jar on the shelf. "Jamil taught me how to make them. They don't taste bad if I do say so myself, shishishi~"

Yuu couldn't help but laugh slightly. Ruggie's excitement about dandelion cuisine was very...adorable, if they wanted to put a word to it. "You seem very passionate about this," They said as they took the dandelion tea jar in their own hands. "Would it be okay if you put a few servings of this in my tea cabinet?"

"Huh?” Ruggie's ear flicked in surprise.

"Ah, I don't mean to take it away from you!" Yuu said, suddenly very aware that Ruggie was doing this because he was homesick. How stupid of them to ask for something so selfish. Did they forget everything after spending a few years in luxury? "I know that you're—"

"Forgive me for interrupting you, but it's not that," Grey eyes looked between the tea and their face. "It's... Thank you." There was something more behind the simple word of thanks. Yuu couldn't even begin to digest why Ruggie would say thank you at their selfish request, but seeing the smile on Ruggie's face reassured them that it wasn't anything negative.

That was when the door to the kitchen slid open, "Ruggie, would you happen to know where—"

Yuu looked up just in time to make eye contact with a surprised-looking Jade.

Oh. They were caught. Shit.

Jade smiled, ever the picture of politeness even as his aura turned more menacing, "How serendipitous. I was just looking for you, Master."  

"They were just about to leave, right Master?" Ruggie said with a devilish grin. Gone was the sweet expression that just graced his face seconds before, instead replaced by this mischievous look— because he was clearly ratting them out! Yuu just hung their head. They would be scolded less if they left with Jade right away.

Jade kept an iron grip on them with just his gaze as they gave Ruggie a long hard look, "You're going on vacation after the debutante is over. With everyone else. That is a promise."

"But Master—"

"No buts! I'll give you paid leave!" Yuu said as Jade opened the door. "Just make sure to tell your family how much you miss them!" They relished the surprised look on Ruggie's face for a moment before following Jade out into the hallway. Yuu wasn't about to give Ruggie time to retaliate this time.

"Now that you've had your fun, you should return to the room before Azul and Riddle return," Jade chuckled. "They aren't back yet, but I am not above telling them of your...mm, adventures, if it came to it. Even if it's you, Master."

Their previous excitement waned at the thought of being bound to the bed again, "Let's just go now." And that was how Yuu's adventures to the kitchen ended, with surprises, some new cuisine, and a promise.

thank you for reading ^^ if you’d like to read more, check out my masterlist ! like the art ? look at more of dumple's works on insta !

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[erospandemos]

I just can't help it

Yandere Chaewon x Reader

Part 1

“The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.”

― Ernest Hemingway, Men Without Women

What you’re about to read is a confession to you. An apology, if you prefer to call it that, as I’ve professed my love to you plenty of times—although it won’t ever be enough—and you’re at the knowledge of every crime I’ve committed since we met. 

My Korean teacher repeatedly reiterated the lack of clarity in my essays and oral exams. I’m not good with words, you see. That’s why I thought that letting you know about the events in my life that shaped me and the feelings that followed me throughout these months would make you understand me better.

I know our conversations weren’t as deep as you probably expected. I’ve tried to explain myself to the best of my abilities and even if it was a mess you seemed to make out that flurry of words and comfort me. Sometimes, I truly thought you understood me more than I did. 

It’s true that we always talked in riddles and puzzles but it made more sense that way. Because our—my—love was pure madness and somehow the riddles explained it better than we ever could. 

The lack of sleep shouldn’t have affected my mind too much, at least in the part that’s in charge of writing. 

If you’re reading this, I hope you understand. Sorry if I’m rambling a lot, and sorry if I will ramble more in the following pages. Right, sorry if I’m apologizing a lot—you told me not to do that. I just can’t help it.

I was tortured since the age of 6 when I started going to elementary school, that’s as far as I can remember. You could also say I was “bullied”, it’s what the adults like to call it, but it’s the same thing. People get defensive, almost offended when I use the other term. “Wow,” was a common reaction, “that’s a bit extreme, don’t you think?” I didn’t think it was extreme. 

When I so naively asked my teacher the difference between the two words, she chuckled and looked at me as if I asked her what the difference between hot and cold was. Surprise was another clear feeling I could read from her expression. She asked me how I knew those words. I simply said I heard them from outside and she told me to forget them.

That evening, when I came home, I  took the chair from my mother’s desk and put it next to the bookshelf, I climbed it and looked at the books on the top shelf. They were the books she used the least and between them, sitting all dusty and forgotten, was also the dictionary. 

I blew and rubbed the dust away then I looked for the two words. I read the two definitions closely and more than one time but I still didn’t understand. They were the same. 

I didn’t ask my teacher anything else. My teacher was clearly against explaining them to me.

But I was sure, I knew those two words extremely well because I felt them on my skin. 

I wanted to be an idol. I told everyone in my class because I thought it was a normal dream—we all watched idols on TV in the afternoon—and being an astronaut seemed a lot harder. Apparently, it wasn’t. Because I wanted to perform on a stage, I was “pretentious”, “narcissistic”, an “attention-seeker”, and a “whore”. I didn’t know what they meant and thought they were compliments and they etched those words into my skin. 

I later found their definitions in the dictionary and understood what they were saying.

I wasn’t the only girl who wanted to be an idol. Hayoon, a classmate of mine, dreamt of testing for JYP, SM, YG, and all those big companies. She took dance and singing classes, they were both in group and private. She could afford it because her family was very rich. From what I heard in the classroom, she started training when she was just a little girl because her parents saw her dancing in front of the TV during an episode of Inkigayo.

Surprisingly, Hayoon was never shamed. Because she was “humble” and had “her feet on the ground”. She was loved by everyone and was the most favored prospect for the role of an idol, everyone seemed to believe in her dream. She was confident, danced well, and was beautiful. All the girls went to her house at least twice a month to go to her huge pool, splendid garden, and majestic house. I never went, I was never invited.

She was good at everything and topped all subjects. However, I sang better than her. In music classes and festivals, I was always chosen and often took the roles instead of her. When she realized she wasn’t the best, she became embarrassed and frustrated. 

She didn’t have any way of making me sing worse and neither could sing better than me, even after all those expensive lessons, so she took to poking fun at me to try and drag me down. Of course her friends joined as well. They were always calling me "ugly", "weird", and "gross" in a way that didn’t seem childish or playful, but demeaning and insulting.

The other kids constantly berated me between classes, glued my books to the desk, slapped me and then ran away. They knew all the spots where there was no CCTV in the school. They even stole my brand-new headphones and glued my shoestrings to my shoes when I didn’t see them. We wore slippers and my shoes were in my locker.

My teachers never helped me. I’ve tried telling them and they didn’t believe me, or rather, they chose not to believe me because that was easier for them.

Only a girl had the courage to help me, it only took one word and two days to have everyone against her. “Stop,” she only said that and then everyone hated her. You never go against the group, you never try to make yourself different, you never try to fight back. 

In the end, I understood the difference between torture and bullying: one was for hurting and one was for fun.

During middle school, the bullying stepped up a notch. Some of my classmates went to my same middle school, they had many friends there and the rumors spread like wildfire. Many of the students liked to take their stress out by bullying other students. They were pathetic and talentless, they hated anyone who had potential unless they provided them anything, like Hayoon.

Smoking was illegal. But they didn’t care. They found all the corners of the school where the CCTV didn’t see them and studied where the professors usually walked to avoid their path. It wasn’t always perfect and sometimes they were caught but it sure helped them and the bullies.

One day, I was dragged by my hair behind the basketball court and after getting pushed to the ground, the girls started slapping, laughing, and kicking me. The smoke from their cigarettes and the kicks to my belly and back took the air out of me. I couldn’t breathe and I thought I was going to die. They were experienced—they noticed my lack of breath, gave me breaks to catch it, and started kicking me again.

They were caught by a teacher who forgot his bag. They claimed they were only giving me “birthday punches” and didn’t admit anything, nor apologized. They weren’t stupid either. The girls had a very good reputation and a good student persona, essentially they didn’t have any criminal records. 

When I was asked what happened, I was ready to tell them all the atrocities that took place in school. But then, I remembered the girls’ eyes. I looked at the professor and I knew, right there and then, that he didn’t believe me, even before I said anything. They wouldn’t have done anything but the word would have been out, that I snitched on the bullies and then I wouldn’t have survived.

So I stayed silent.

The girls only got punished for smoking after they explained they only wanted to try and continued to do it anyway.

Between the end of middle school and the start of high school, the bullies got more creative. They tied me up and broke my legs with a crowbar. The older the girls got, the more of them wanted to be idols, and the first thing they had to do was to get rid of the competition. They succeeded as I stopped dancing altogether since that day.

I continued singing but nobody wants to see an idol in a wheelchair, right?

After I couldn’t walk normally anymore, they started treating me like a rag. They used me to clean the bathroom, by pushing me around on the floor, putting my face against the toilet, and mopping me with dirty water. I was like a toy to them and their friends joined the fun.

Part 2

It was no wonder that many bullied students leave the school. Sometimes, they leave on their own, because they can’t stand the torture anymore, other times, the school removes them. The bullies only bully others because they can and they know they can get away with it: they have influential parents or come from wealthy families, so the school can only quietly get rid of the problem and those are the victims that can’t stay quiet.

The class in my department didn’t have many students but it was enough: 20 students. During the year, 5 students left, and at the end of the year, 2 others were sent to another school in the province. The remaining 13 weren’t enough to be left alone in the classroom so they joined us with a class from another department that also lost many students. In total, we were 31, which was a big number but they didn’t have any other choice.

You were one of those students. I only noticed you after a week because I got used to keeping my eyes low not to anger any of my classmates. You sat beside me. People usually tend to avoid me since they could also become victims of the bullies but you knew it and it was your decision.

“Is this seat taken?” you asked me. When I heard your voice, I had a moment of hesitation. I kept staring at the wooden desk but then I thought that you might have accused me of being rude for ignoring you and that would have been a good enough reason to pick on me, so I raised my eyes.

“No, it isn’t,” I replied. Your eyes were cold. I genuinely thought you were a bully too.

“Then, can I seat here?”

“You can if you want…” I told you, unsure. “But I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“What? You fart a lot?”

I was taken aback. “No! I don’t.”

“I suppose it’s fine then,” you said and took the chair out to take your desk. You started getting ready for the lesson and didn’t seem to have any intention of doing anything to me. Every time someone spoke to me, it was to make a comment, make a joke, or give me an order. Still, I was suspicious of you.

The lesson proceeded as usual. You took your notes very diligently, writing almost everything the teacher said, making graphs and small summaries to keep your memory fresh. If you were to tell me you were the top student in your class, I would have believed it and later I’d find out you really were.

Your behavior wasn’t the one of a bully. And it wasn’t the behavior of a bullied either.

At the end of the last lesson before the lunch break, the teacher gave us surveys for our future career choices. I stared at the paper with a pen in my hand. What should I write? My future, my future was stolen from me. My dream was as meaningful as an ant’s life. After everything they did and said to me, a miserable life of insignificance and sadness sounded perfectly fit for me. I kept wondering and pondering until you turned to me.

“What do you want to do when you grow up, Chaewon?” you asked me while you were lazily spinning your pen between your fingers.

“I- I don’t know, what about you?” I stuttered. I couldn’t bring myself up to pronounce those words. I felt as if I had been banished from even muttering them and thinking about it only brought me horrible memories.

“Web security,” you said. “I go around and check companies’ safety in their servers and sites. I’ve already started an internship so I’m sure it’s what I’m going to do.”

“An internship? This early?”

“Yeah, I figured the more experience I get, the better. I got nothing better to do anyways.”

“Don’t you have any hobbies? Don’t you hang out with your… friends?”

“I don’t have that many friends, to be honest,” you replied nonchalantly. “I mean, I do go out like once every three months so it isn’t a lot but I still have friends I can talk to. I’ve never been good with people, I guess.”

“Ah, is that so?”

“I was always better on my own. I tried a lot of stuff and I liked web stuff better,” then you turned to me for a second time, looking at me more intensely than before, “but you didn’t answer my question yet. What do you wanna do?”

Being put on the spot like that, I wasn’t sure about what I was allowed to say. More than that, I didn’t know what I really wanted, if the dust of my once desire was still in me if my heart wasn’t dead cold. However, after all these years, a subtle string of fate kept me going and it was still something that I liked doing.

I looked at your eyes. They didn’t scare me.

“I want to be… an idol,” I said in a single breath. After I finished the sentence, a heavy feeling of guilt dawned on me. I felt as if I just committed a crime and I was in danger.

But you didn’t judge me.

“An idol, huh?” You laid back on your chair. “That’s pretty cool. I know it’s very hard if you really want to do it, props to you. It takes some guts to train for that stuff. To dance all day, to have everyone look at you, it’s something.”

“Do- do you think I can do it?”

“I don’t know, you tell me. I don’t know how well you dance, or how good you sing, or even what you tested for.”

“But is it a possible dream?”

“You can watch idols too, right? They had the same dream as you did. They did it. I think it’s possible, yeah. And I think you can do it, Chaewon.”

When you said that, I felt so relieved. It was comforting. Finally, I found someone that didn’t hate me, that didn’t shame and believed in me.

Just as you stopped talking, the bell rang. It was the time.

“Oh, look at her, ms. Idol,” said Yejun and pushed my head away for fun. He started laughing.

“Hands off, Yejun. And go away before I sock you in the face,” you said.

“I’m so scared, oh my god,” he laughed. “What do you think you’ll do huh? Do you want to protect this filthy rag? How generous,” he said and then slapped me.

“That’s enough, fuckface,” you got up and stared into his eyes. “That’s the last warning. Leave before I do something I might regret.”

He scoffed. “Really, you talk a lot. Don’t forget that you work for my father.”

“I don’t think you get it, Yejun. I don’t just work for your father. He depends on me. One click and his whole 20 servers will blow up. Do you really think that incompetent fool of your father fixed all the problems? He doesn’t know shit about his stuff, he only knows how to count money and scam his workers. There are so many weaknesses I could just hack the whole thing and change your company to my name.”

“You aren’t funny.”

“I wasn’t trying to be. Now, that I’ve seen who this rag of yours is, tell your friends to keep their hands off her. I don’t want to see your father come back and beg at me and he’ll know it was all your fault. Everyone listens to you apparently, so spread the word. I won’t hesitate.”

Yejun stormed out of the class in anger.

I felt like I was reborn, that I finally found my savior. You were the angel I needed and you came to save me from this hell.

“I don’t like this place, let’s get out of here,” you said and I followed you.

We went to grab lunch but right behind the vending machines you got attacked. He called you a nerd, whatever he did, but I couldn’t stand it. I felt a force in me and I grabbed his neck, I squeezed until he couldn’t breathe anymore.

I’ll be honest, if it wasn’t for you trying to get me off, I would have killed him.

Just as that guy run off, you freaked out. I didn’t blame you. Still, you took my arm and pulled me to somewhere more covered to talk to me, scared that someone else might have seen it. I could see the surprise in your eyes, but you didn’t look terrified, you were concerned if anything.

Your hand was still bleeding, the red liquid dripped to the floor. I stared at the droplets, slowly coloring the grey concrete, as if it was the ticking of a clock. At each tick, I was getting more impatient, there was something inside me that wanted to jump out, run after who hurt you, and make him pay for it. But I had to calm down, you were in front of me.

“Chaewon, what the hell!” you whisper-shouted while repeatedly glancing behind your back and into the hallway. “Where did that come from?”

“I-I don’t know what happened,” I stuttered. I was saying the truth—at the time, I truly didn’t know why I reacted in the way I did. I never raised my hands, I never talked back, I never reacted.

“Shit, I’m bleeding a lot,” you cursed. You gritted your teeth and started walking towards the school clinic. I followed you.

You talked to me as we were walking. “You don’t just choke people randomly, you know?”

“I- I really swear! I pro-promise… I have no idea what happened!”

“Listen, Chaewon, I saw you pinning his neck against the wall. You raised a senior with one hand.”

When we were in front of the nurse's office, you pinched your nose and waved your hand to stop me from talking. The cuff of your white shirt was stained with red, it already spread so much in just a short time. You must have been in pain. My blood was boiling.

“You can explain yourself later,” you said and opened the door. “I have to close this wound first.”

I followed you into the room. For some reason, the room was empty, there was no trace of the nurse and it looked like she hasn’t been there for a long time as everything was very tidy and the coat hanger was empty. Often, when people can avoid work, they’ll do it. The nurse must have seen that there was no one needing her in the morning and decided to leave for some coffee.

You sat on one of the beds, keeping your arm stretched out so the blood wouldn’t stain the sheets and with another hand, you searched into the cabinet for something you could help yourself with. You took out bandaids, alcohol, gauze and cotton buds. You really made a mess, trying to pour the alcohol on your arm and spilling half of the content on the floor.

After sloppily cleaning yourself with cotton, you got the bandaids.

“Do you really think bandaids will do?” I asked you. “It’s way too deep.”

“Is there any other way?”

“Yeah, we have to put stitches on you.” I took the chairs from the desk and sat in front of you. In the cabinet beside the bed, there were also needles and thread for that procedure. Luckily there was an anesthetic as well.

I put on gloves. I cleaned your wound again, better than you did before, and applied the anesthetic gel. It took about two minutes to take effect, in the meanwhile I prepared the rest of the equipment I needed: forceps, curved needle, and new thread.

When I was sure you didn’t feel anything, I started stitching your wound.

“How did you learn this?” you asked me so curiously.

“I… I got used to taking care of myself,” I said softly. It was embarrassing. You nodded. I could feel your eyes scan me, looking at all my bruises, the bandaids on my face, and many more wounds underneath my shirt.

You sighed. “I’m sorry. I hope they won’t attack you anymore. Always stay with me, they are scared of people who have a known name.”

“Thank you, but I don’t think it will do anything.”

“Just do as I say,” you repeated. I could see how sure you were from your face. You definitely didn’t see, as my face was facing the floor, but I smiled for the first time after you said that. Your desire of protecting me was honest. I was really happy that you cared for me.

When I came home, I had the time to think through what happened that day. As I was drinking a cup of water, I looked at myself in the reflection of the window, my fingers tracing my wounds and bruises, itching the dried blood on my nails. Where did that strength come from? I could have sworn they had taken every ounce of energy from me, I knew I had no will, no ambition, no desire to even talk back until today. And yet, I hurt him.

I felt good. It didn’t feel good to hurt him per se but to know I defended you. As to him, I should have killed him. But you stopped me. You shouldn’t have done that. He hurt you. That shabby gross fool tried to hurt you, how could he?!

I was so lucky to have caught you before it was late. I couldn’t imagine what would have happened to you if he succeeded—the bruises on your face, the blood on your face—you would have looked just like me. No, I couldn’t stand that. You didn’t deserve to go through the pain that I did, not after you defended me. Oh, if only I could lay my hand on those sinners, the pain I could inflict them, all the experiences that I felt inside my skin, into my very flesh.

I want to hear them scream. To beg for forgiveness. To regret their very existence. I want them to apologize to you, to offer their life…

Crack

I looked down at my hands. What a mess. I completely shattered the cup I was holding—bits of sharp glass everywhere, even some into my skin. The veins of my hand were bulging, I could feel the blood in my body flowing so fast and forcefully. The adrenaline was high in my brain.

I didn’t realize what I did until I heard the sudden noise.

It was true, just as you said. It wasn’t me. But why? This must have happened because I was thinking of you getting hurt… yes, it was your thought, just you. It was because of you. I didn’t want to see you hurt, you were my only hope in this world, just the thought sent a shock through my spine and into my head, and I would go crazy.

You made me like this.

Completely insane.

“Chaewon! What happened?” I heard Yujin calling me and I turned around to see her rushing out the hallway. Yujin was my roommate, we shared the rent because it was cheaper that way. She wasn’t a bad person, not at all. But she couldn’t understand my life, she lived between rich girls and handsome guys.

To be kind, you need to know what misery is. She was just nice.

“Oh, Kirin-chan,” I said.

“How did you break your glass?” she asked worryingly, grabbing a towel to clean my bloody hand of the bits of glass.

“My bad, I was standing up and it just slipped out of my hand.”

“Then how did it get all over your palm?”

“I slipped and fell right onto it, you know how clumsy I am.”

“Yeah,” she commented without much belief, “just like all the time you come home with bruises on your face.”

“It isn’t my fault if they don’t put warnings after cleaning the stairs.”

“It isn’t your fault,” she repeated. “Anyways, don’t forget to clean it up, I’ll go back to studying,” she ended, turning around and leaving the lounge to return to her prettier room.

I continued to stare at my hand.

I couldn’t help but think about you again… my head got foggy… my thoughts haunting…

What if they scarred you?

What if they bullied you?

What if girls broke your heart?

What if you were friends with the wrong people?

I knew I was crossing a line when those questions took form but it was too late and I didn’t even care anymore. It was a promise I made myself, to protect who I loved, and I swore I wouldn’t fail again. I would protect you forever, no matter what.

I feared that you’d run away from me but instead, we got way closer than before. When I walked into school the day after the incident, I was genuinely scared I wouldn’t have seen you—that you had stayed at home, that you changed class or even school. What worried me the most was the fact that you could have been scared of me.

I waited for you anxiously. I kept scratching my nails, rubbing my arms, looking around for you. So many times I got up and walked around the paths outside the school where I thought you’d usually walk, even if I didn’t know well what were your habits, and not finding you, I’d sit back at the wall and wait again.

After several minutes, you arrived at school. At the sight of you, my dizziness and worries faded away. I immediately ran at you and hugged you so tight, you had to know how much I missed you.

You were surprised, of course, you were. “Huh? What has gotten into you Chaewon?” you laughed jokingly.

“I just thought you wouldn’t come to school anymore,” I told you.

“Why would I do that? Today is a school day.”

“It’s okay, that’s perfect. I’m just so glad I can see you again.”

Part 3

The door opened to the locker room and I and the other trainees entered sitting down. They changed their clothes from casual streetwear to old clothes and gym wear. I’ve been training for a bit now, I got to know all the trainees well, there were a lot before but now they only remained half. The one that finished first started stretching. "It's one minute and a half. Let's do this," she sighed.

One of them threw to the other a white sheet with a name written on it and did the same with the others. "Here. Your name tags."

"That's it? Just a minute?" the girl chuckled.

"A minute and a half. Everyone does their part and it's a difficult choreography, don't you forget. It will be enough."

"It's for evaluation. Don't forget every detail counts," another girl added.

We went out of the room and made our way toward the practice room, each one with a name tag on it. The corridor leading to it was cold, probably because they just changed from thick to thin clothes, but it got hotter towards the end where the air got denser. One at a time, they entered bowing at the line of men sitting on the right of the mirror in front of the door.

Everyone had papers and a pen and a serious look plastered on their faces. After a couple of stretches, the girls got into position and the music started. They smiled and danced with their full capability and the judges looked sharp. When the music stopped they held their ending pose and went in a line waiting for their words. The air suddenly felt cold.

"There had been improvements on what we said the first time. But we can also fix others," the first said and the men nodded. They wrote on the paper and scribbled.

"You. When the others did their move you were coordinated and that's fine but you did it wrong. You need to raise your hand higher," he said making the move himself and the girl followed.

"Can you do the move a bit before the ending?" another one asked, gesturing his intention. "Yes, that one. Please get into the position and do it."

They did and when it came to the next section he spoke again, "One more time."

"Once more."

"Five...six.. seven... eight... an-"

"Okay," he said and got up walking to the center of the room. He demonstrated the move more and more times. "Don't tense your muscles too much when you do this alright?"

"But," the oldest got up, "you were all a lot better today, good job. Specially Soojin and Gaeul."

"That's it, goodbye," they said.

"Thank you!" the girls answered together.

BLAM. The oldest almost slips as he got out and the others held him up. The girls let out a muffled laugh, their mouths covered with their hands."See girls, don't tense your muscles too much or they won't work properly," the man chuckled. The judges left fast, embarrassed by their eldest and the group laughed in relief.

"Are we really doing this? They are not saying anything anymore."

The youngest looked at them from the ground, laid down breathing hard, and said, "We're close to debuting."

When everyone was done with their stuff and cleaned themselves they left. Almost all of them ran out to catch the last bus of the day or were just in a hurry. I, on the other hand, had to walk home so I did everything slower. When I got out, in the distance, I heard a group of girls around my age shouting and laughing. When they got closer, I realized they were my classmates, there were about four of them and they were drunk.

They noticed me.

"Look at you. It's late, pretty girls like you shouldn't stay out," one of them said and I frowned.

"Don't tell me. You were practicing?" she said laughing. The other three got in a semi-circle in front of me.

"It's a really difficult life isn't it, miss idol? Everybody wants you and you're here dancing until late," she mocked me, with her fingers under her eyes faking tears, and let out a hearty laugh. The choir followed with a carol of joy.

"It's sad really," she continued, "so popular but so tired."

She pushed me down on the ground and the group stepped back making more space for the two. She forcefully pulled my hair, forcing me to get up. The girl got closer and said, "And you're so pretty. It would be a shame if anything happened to this pretty face."

She slapped me. They laughed. They kicked me. I tried to defend myself, curling into a fetus position and protecting my head. They snickered as they continued wasting the effects of the alcohol on me. When they were finally satisfied, they got up and left me there on the side of the road and went away to the opposite way of where they came from.

I remained on the ground with tears on her face and sobbed trying not to make any noise, I wanted silence. However I heard their voices again, from the distance, and they were screaming.

"What do you think you're doing?!" the same girl as before squealed."We're girls, you think you can-." The group gasped.

"You're five and I'm one and you just beat that girl up. You think I care?" It was a male voice.

The girls ran away but the guy didn't try to chase them and walked to me.

"There's a convenience store nearby, we can get something cold for your face," he said with a soft tone. I recognized the voice and looked at him, I recognized his face too. It was you. My legs trembled a little as I held myself upon your shoulder for support. "It's fine, take your time," you said dusting my back.

At the shop, you bought a bag of frozen peas so I could put it on my face where it still hurts. "I ate those for dinner, they're great. I can use them for everything, look, you're using them too now," you said and I laughed. I calmed down a little and your face got more serious and worried.

"I told you. Starting from tomorrow I'll bring you home," you said.

"But it was only this time," I said.

"And the other four before."

"Kind of."

"Being there by 11:30 should be good."

"But you should sleep."

"I would just be studying, and either way, it's way better to have your company," you insisted, leaning down on the chair. A small smile formed on my face. Ever since that day, the two always walked home late at night even when it was freezing or when it was raining. We got way closer.

You grew up so well. Unfortunately, many girls seemed to notice you and fall for you. I don’t blame them, you were very charming, so attractive for such a young student but I couldn’t let them near you. They were fools, too stupid to realize they were nowhere close to your level, you were levels above and they were just insects. I had to make sure no one bothered you, to avoid you crying because some worthless bitch broke your heart.

I was surprised when you told me you got asked out. But then I felt my chest burn.

There’s only one thing that I can’t stand in this world and that’s people who think they can take what’s mine. I don’t care about gossip, jealousy or envy, I don’t have anyone to compete with, I just want what’s mine. And you are mine.

It was so easy to scare them away. All it took was a quick talk behind the school, a very convincing speech, a cutter to their throats…

They were scared of me. Good. You didn’t suspect anything—they’d still smile at me as if nothing happened, I made sure to tell them. I couldn’t let you know, to worry more than you already were.

The bullying had completely stopped towards me because you were always by my side defending me and eventually they all got the message. If you were just a crush before, now I love you. If I loved you, now I worship you. You’re my religion, my god, my purpose. I’ll kill for you, live for you, and I’ll love you forever. Wherever you go, I’ll follow you. Whether that’s heaven, hell, or any other world. My very existence is embroidered into your name, I can’t exist without you.

Things were going great, so great. You only had eyes for me. Those two beautiful pupils could only look at me, at my face, at my body, only at me. I loved when you stared at me, I was yours after all, you could watch how much you wanted.

That was until those two eyes became one. You got a big bruise on your left eye, it was swollen, black, and horrible.

You were waiting for me near the big tree behind the school like you always did, and you talked to me like you always did, without worry or pain. “Hey, Chaewon,” you greeted me.

“What happened?!”

“Nothing, I just hurt myself,” you lied. How naive you were, you were too kind, too nice. I didn’t believe you one single bit. I wonder why you did that? Why did you lie to me? Was it to protect whoever did that to you? To protect who hurt you?

“Tell me. Tell me, who hurt you?” I asked you calmly.

“It’s really nothing Chae… I’m serious, I only hurt myself—”

“TELL ME WHO THE HELL HURT YOU RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!” I asked again, the sudden increase in volume startled you and you backed away into the tree. I didn’t know at the time, and you’d tell me later, but my eyes were empty. You got scared, I apologize, I just couldn’t help it.

“Ch-Chaewon?” you stuttered.

When I realized you were terrified, I calmed down. “Huh? Oh, my bad, sorry… I was just really worried, but now, please tell me.” I shook my head and took a couple of steps back.

“Okay, I will tell you… it was Seojun,” you finally confessed. “I bumped into him and spilled his drink on his uniform. I apologized, but since I was alone and his ‘friends’ were with him, they thought they could get their revenge on me.”

“I see… let’s get you some ice for that eye for now,” I told you and we started to walk into the infirmary for the second time. I hated walking into that place, especially with you. I tried my best to hold it inside me, not to scare you again, but I was going to snap anytime soon.

“Chae, are you alright?” you asked me.

“Oh, don’t worry about me, dear… and it will okay from now on. You don’t have to worry about Seojun anymore.”

You know, people say that the first time is special, you never forget it. The first time I bathed my hands in the warm liquid that is human blood, my body was cold. I felt hesitation at first, but I knew I was doing it for you, and thinking about you, all that fear was gone. And I killed him.

Yes, it was me that killed Seojun. I don’t regret one bit what I’ve done to him. I made sure he suffered as much as he made you suffer. An eye for an eye, as they say.

That day was special, it was like I confessed to you and instead of a ring, I gave you a life. It was only fair you’d give me your life in return.

The murder of Seojun made headlines in the news and when asked about it, the students never said anything nor praised or acted sad at his death. No one missed him. It’s quite sad that life can be so insignificant that not a single person will care about how gruesome your death was and forget you the next day. To be quite honest, he deserved it. We die in the same way we live.

You were a bit suspicious of me at first. You didn’t really doubt me—you were curious. The news of his death was delivered by our professor during the first period with a sigh before continuing the lesson. The reactions were mixed but mostly towards one extreme: relief.

When a bad person dies, two things will happen: if you’re a good person or a victim, you will be happy; if you’re equally bad then you’ll be scared, because you know he already got what he deserved and nothing prevented you from having the same fate as nothing is stronger than luck.

You were both worried and glad. I’ve always noticed how you tend to care about other people, it’s something that I really love about you, you just have to direct toward the people who deserve it. “Hey, Chae, do you know anything about Seojun’s murder?” you asked me during the break. You were hesitant at first but I was sure you’ve thought about it long enough to decide to spill it.

You must have thought about what I said the other day: You don’t have to worry about Seojun anymore.

“Huh?” I raised my eyebrow at you. “Why would I have anything to do with his death?”

“W-well… you see… you said that I didn’t have to worry about him anymore and the next day… he dies.” Your shoulders were so tight almost as if you were trying to keep the words inside of you. Your gaze flitted around the room, never settling on one person or object for long.

“It must have been a coincidence,” I told you. “And karma.”

“Right,” you muttered. Then you relaxed your shoulders.

“By the way,” I changed the topic, “there is going to be the last test before the debut at Hybe.”

Your eyes changed completely, they brightened. Every time I talked about my dream, you always seemed too excited for me. You fully believed in my ambition and constantly encouraged me to keep trying. Whenever I practiced, I always thought of you.

I always think of you.

“That’s awesome, Chae. It’s your opportunity, you wanted to become an idol all this time.”

“I will start practicing right away then,” I said. “I want to be with you that day. Can you come with me?”

“What day will it be?”

“Next Saturday, 4:00 pm.”

“Next Saturday… 4:00 pm,” you repeated. “I’ll make sure to be there—I will be there, I will.”

“Thank you,” I smiled and hugged you. You were still a bit against the idea of hugging but slowly you were getting used to it. I trusted that you’ll eventually come to love it.

I had prepared about four songs for the test: two for my singing and two for my dancing, one of them was good for both. I decided to be very broad with my songs because if they asked for more, I’d be prepared. You never know. I didn’t want to go there and have them ask for a random song and fail horribly.

You were waiting for me in front of the building with a little bag of snacks. I mentioned all of them before to you and you remembered. Some of them were for when I’d finish the whole thing and some as a snack to calm my nerves.

Honestly, I felt like you were my boyfriend already. If anyone saw us together, they’d say the same thing. Every little thing you did was so full of attention, I knew you cared for me, and I loved you so much.

Anyways, the time came. I bid you goodbye and entered.

The test went terribly wrong.

You waited two hours for me, only for me to blow it all up. When I came out, I was so embarrassed, I didn’t want you to see me at all.

“So Chae, how was it?” you asked but I didn’t reply. It was hard to come up with any word at all. I couldn’t even look at you in the eyes.

“Chae?”

“Chaewon?”

You finally got enough at the third time and you grabbed my shoulder to shake and direct my gaze at you. “Chaewon, answer me please!” you said with an upset tone.

“Do you… do you think I’m a failure?”

“What are you talking about?” you asked back.

“Hey, am I a failure? Tell me. Were the guys right? I am not meant to be an idol after all, should I give up after all? Tell me, please!” I hiccuped and cried. I was truly heartbroken. It was the test per se but the fact that I disappointed you, that I wasted all your determination and belief you had in me.

“Chaewon, no…” you whispered and went for a hug. It was awkward, you didn’t know how to hug. You tried to put a hand on my shoulder and one on my hip, but it didn’t work. Then you tried to put both of them on my shoulder but you looked like you wanted to headbut me. On the third try, you succeeded and properly hugged me very tightly.

I buried my head into your chest, it was where I could really feel safe.

“Chaewon, what happened in there? How did it go?”

“I FAILED! I BLEW IT ALL UP! IT’S ALL GONE!” I yelled and gripped you harder.

“How is that possible? You’re perfect, I mean, you sing so beautifully and you’re beautiful,” you said. “You’ve been practicing… why? How?”

“I’m sorry it’s that I was so worried. I got distracted. I continued to ask myself if I’d fail and so on… I knew the lyrics but I got jittery and…”

“No, Chaewon! I told you to believe in yourself. You can do it. You can do it.”

“But—”

“You have talent, Chae,” you repeated, “and I’ve seen it since day one. You will not fail. You just have to try again.”

I was embarrassed to see if I could try again but you weren’t and you stormed inside the building, dragging me by arm to ask the staff if I could try again. You explained everything and even pleaded with them until they gave in.

This time, you were waiting for me outside the door. I knew I wouldn’t fail again.

Don’t think about anything else. Focus.

I sang the first song. Just like I practiced. Then I danced. It was perfect.

I passed. I was so happy and I just had to tell you. I ran outside but you weren’t there.

I searched everywhere until I understood you weren’t in the building and had to search for you outside. I found you in an alley, bloody and bruised.

I immediately called the ambulance and they rushed you to the hospital. Your condition was so bad they had to x-ray your whole body and do a small surgery.

When I found you, you could barely talk or even breathe. You were laying in a pool of blood, that came from the numerous cuts all over your body—they weren’t clean but all rough and jacked, meaning they came from brute force and not blades. Your clothes were also messed up and ripped. Together, I could count on 19 injuries at least. I couldn’t understand at all. Why would someone do that to you? And how did it happen?

Together with you was a bag with two drinks and a couple of sandwiches. I suppose you went outside to a convenience store to buy something, maybe for me, and then… you were attacked. This may have been premeditated, it’s impossible a group of people randomly hurt you that bad.

I couldn’t stop crying, you know?

To see you in those conditions, I could only think of the worse.

What if you’d never wake up again?

What if you’d be miserable for the rest of your life?

What if you died?

It was my fault. I’m sorry, it was totally my fault. It was because I took way too long in the test, chatting with the staff, seeing the other girls so happily, while you were being jumped… I could have protected you, we could have gone home together and this would have never happened.

The doctor called me. “Kim Chaewon?”

“Yes?” I raised my eyes. I saw him and wiped my tears before standing up and walking to him.

“Is he okay…?” I asked.

“He’s not in danger is what I can tell you. Some of his bones are broken and he has received a concussion, he may be asleep for a while, you see,” he said.

“Can I see him?”

“Yes, you can,” the doctor agreed, “this way…”

He guided me toward another floor of the hospital. You have been transferred from the emergency room to the patient’s rooms. You were in the section where more care was needed—the hallway was quieter, everyone walked slower, and everything was more gentle.

I entered your room slowly, holding myself up with a hand on the door frame and then I saw you. Your eyes were closed. Your whole body was covered in bandages and you were hooked to all sorts of machines with cables and cords everywhere. It was almost like seeing a puppet tied up in strings and they were keeping you alive.

I was scared to come close to you. I feared that any of my movements could have damaged you even more. You were so fragile at that moment.

I gently lowered myself to the chair next to your bed and held your hand. I cried. I cried again, so much. I couldn’t help but keep thinking it was my fault. If only I was quicker…

Some of your items were put in the drawer. I noticed your phone together with your wallet and backpack. The screen was cracked and some of the blood crusted into the cracks. I don’t know why I felt curious but I unlocked the screen—you trusted me enough to let me know your password months ago to check some messages while you were busy cooking—and it opened KakaoTalk. You were texting me and the phone memorized it.

Chae be careful the bullies might be after you

Don’t go in the shortcut at the

Oh, dear. You were on the brink of death and all you could think was to warn me, to protect me. You didn’t even think of calling for help. I understood everything. It was those bullies again… they didn’t forget, did they? It’s because their life turned to hell after they didn’t have anyone to bully anymore and they got revenge but attacking you.

I was angry. I was furious. I was so pissed that I unconsciously cracked your phone even more. It was that feeling again, all over—the fire in my chest.

I will kill them. Each one of the. I will make them suffer. I will tear them to shreds. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them.

I will make them pay for everything they have done for you.

They were so stupid. It was so easy to trick them: I attacked their leader when he was coming home late and forced him to send a message to everyone who was involved in your attack—he confessed right away when I showed him my knife.

The guys came on point the next day. It was all so easy. They always hung out at the abandoned warehouse where they could make all the mess they wanted and dragged their victims to torture them properly and in private. Now they were dragging themselves to their death.

I dressed in black that day. You never liked seeing me in black. People used to tell me I tried to stand out too much so they forced me to use torn, old, ugly clothes, but when they stopped tormenting me, you brought me to buy more clothes for me.

But that day I wasn’t dressing as the victim. I was in the guise of the Grim Reaper.

I prepared my knives, axes, clamps, nails, and staplers and waited for them in the building.

Humans are so easy to kill. They are so frail and mortal—I had to be extremely careful not to let them die immediately to cause them all the pain they deserved. I’ll spare you the details. You don’t have to know of the gruesome parts of their murder. I’ll just tell you everything they did to you and in their years of bullying, I did to them. From crowbars to knives, to fire and stabbing.

When the last one stopped screaming, I felt at peace. The silence was absolute. I couldn’t even hear the wind, the cars, or the noises of the city. It was completely quiet.

I finally avenged you.

Part 4

Disposing of the bodies was quite simple but extremely tiring. I had to chop their bodies to bits, bury them and hide all the evidence. I cleaned with bleach all my weapons, the floor, and the walls of the warehouse. I had to soil the floor since it was dirty before and I couldn’t leave a clean patch in there, it would have been a dead giveaway.

Of course, I had to get rid of all their phones. I broke them into little pieces before grinding them up to a bag of dust and flushing them down the toilet.

I got most of my weapons from around the city. I stole the knives from the school kitchen and returned them to them. I did the crime on a Friday night and finished in the evening of Saturday so they wouldn’t have noticed the disappearance of their tools. I bought the rest of the tools from a hardware store so I could have just put it in someone else’s garage.

I couldn’t burn my clothes or rags because that would have caught the attention of my neighbors or anyone nearby so I colored it with all sorts of paints so the blood would have been unrecognizable. If anyone analyzed them, it would look like they were of an artist. And then I disposed of them.

Burying the bodies was the most laborious part and I could only do it during the night. It took me both Saturday and sunday to get rid of all the evidence.

The next days were all marked by nightmares. I didn’t dream of what I did. What haunted me was you leaving me. I was afraid that my crime could have separated us.

Chaewon, you’re a monster.

I can’t be friends with a murderer.

I can’t love a killer.

I hate you.

I wish you died.

I was distressed and jittery during the day and couldn’t sleep at night. Many times I would get distracted in those thoughts, imagining all the things you could say to me, and not realize people calling me. I would often zone out and not hear anything else.

“Chaewon? Are you okay?” my classmates would tell me. I would snap out of my daze and realize most of them were looking at me then I’d realize I actually chipped a corner of the table off with my grip.

“Oh, I’m sorry, it’s nothing,” I could only say. They would continue with the day forgetting about it or just tell their friends excitedly about a classmate with a freakish strength.

It was especially hard when I was training with the other trainees but I told myself you wouldn’t be proud of me if I wasn’t doing my best and forced myself to dance.

On Monday, their disappearance was announced but nobody could find anything. Not a single trace. The secret was safe with me.

They also announced your attack but they didn’t connect the two events together, assuming you were also a victim. The attacks in this Korea were common anyways. Bullying was so widespread you could say it was part of our culture.

After a week. you were still asleep. The doctor concluded that they must have stomped your head too for you to be concussed that badly. They damaged the nerves.

Unfortunately, I knew only after I killed them. If I knew I would have done the same to them so they could feel the pain you felt but I guess cutting their limbs counts as nerve damage as well.

I was getting extremely impatient waiting for your awakening. The doctor couldn’t help me but it wasn’t their fault. I’ve only realized now how much I relied on you and those days without you were as sad as Halloween without candies.

When I woke up, I couldn’t tell if the Sun rose already or if it was still sunrise, it was timid, and the light cast a somber hue in the room. It was gray and pale. The soundscape was eerily quiet, the usual chirping birds seemed to have disappeared, as if even nature was mourning alongside me.

Walking through the corridors of the school, I felt like a solitary figure amidst a sea of faces. Conversations echoed around me, yet they seemed distant. The classrooms, usually alive with energy, felt suffocatingly silent.

I couldn’t help but notice how happy the other students went on with their days, completely ignoring what happened to you. Worst of all, some students even mocked you, saying you were a loser and you deserved it. My bloodthirst was beyond the roof. I had to hold myself back a lot not to commit other killings, reminding myself that I could have raised a case of a serial killer if I wasn’t careful enough.

I thought I had been sneaky enough not to raise any suspicion but I didn’t know the only person to find out would have been you.

I was in an alley near the hospital when I met one of those mean girls. They were badmouthing you and I had to make sure they wouldn’t do it again. I didn’t kill them, you don’t have to worry about that. I merely sent a message, a little punishment. I got one nail for each insult they said toward you. Poor them, they won’t have nails for months—I hope it hurts.

They ran away but when I turned around, I saw you. You were looking at me so horrified and disgusted.

“I had my suspicions, Chae…” you said. “The coincidence was too perfect. I woke up and saw the news, I knew it was you. And now, I’m sure.”

“You’re mistaken, dear,” I tried to say foolishly.

“Chae, I saw everything.” Your face morphed into an extreme melancholy, of disappointment and sadness. My face instead contorted into a horrified frown. You… my best and only friend, my love. You discovered my worse secret—I knew what the consequences were and I knew what the risks were.

“I mean, what are you even doing here? Weren’t you still sleeping?”

“I woke up this morning—I got discharged—and the doctor let me take a walk… and then I saw you.”

“Do you know what I did all of this, darling?” I asked, my nerves were so tense and my blood was pumping like crazy. I was getting more and more scared. There was a thread inside me that was being pulled and pulled…

“W-what is it?” you asked with hesitation.

“It’s because… I… I love you.”

I saw the shock on your face but I couldn’t stop myself anymore. I did it. I snapped. You found out and there was no turning back. You didn’t have a choice either.

“W-what? What are you saying?”

“Darling, don’t you get it? I love you so so so so so much. I love you so much—to the point I killed for you. Yes, I did kill them. I murdered them. I slaughtered them. I made them suffer, love, the way they made you suffer… Please! Please understand—I’m doing this because I love you.”

“Chae, you’re scaring me. Stop…”

“Oh, don’t be scared, my love. I would never harm you or kill you… I would only cherish you—in fact, I did all of this to protect you from those bastards! I love you with all of my heart.”

That fire inside of me took over again and this time I was already glued to you, my knee under your thigh, pinning you to the wall, a hand on your cheek and one near your waist. You couldn’t move at all, I wouldn’t let you. I was finally this close to you… your skin was so smooth and soft—just like you, my precious baby.

Maybe I was smiling a bit too much. You’d describe to me later that I looked psychotic, yes, I was crazy.

You didn’t know how to react. I admit, you were so cute—so vulnerable and fragile, just at my mercy. Yet, you dared to take and push my hand away from your face.

“Chae, I’m sorry,” you said and it almost broke my heart, “but I just… I-I- I don’t know…” you said.

“What aren’t you sure about? Is it my love? Is it not clear enough?” I asked. “I’ll do anything for you, just ask me.”

“Please stay away from me,” you replied, “for a while.”

“What are you saying, darling?”

“Chae… you’re my best friend and I understand why you did all of that. I do. But I need to think about it. Don’t worry, I won’t say this to anyone, no one at all, but I need to stay alone for a bit,” you pleaded, “I just recovered too.”

“Okay, fine,” I agreed. You were right. It was a bit too much for you, especially after you just woke up from that concrete hospital bed. Also, I knew I could trust you. You never betrayed me so that did not scare me.

You slowly backed away and left me, alone in the alley.

I don’t know why but I started laughing hysterically.

I thought I messed up a lot. That isn’t the way your lover should look at you, right? Terrified and pleading on the verge of tears. You should have looked at me lovingly. I was so scared you’d leave me and I couldn’t let you do that. I needed you too much.

But then you left me waiting for almost a month. I respected your choice and didn’t contact you at all but it’s been too long. I figured that knowing I killed tormented you so I didn’t touch anyone else but rather I kept it to simply threatening them verbally and that seemed to work.

You have to understand I couldn’t take it anymore. Looking at your pictures every night wasn’t enough. Listening to your voice from the vocal messages wasn’t enough. Smelling the shirts I stole from you wasn’t enough, and the smell was fading away. My imagination wasn’t enough, especially when I knew I could have you and I was just waiting for the right moment.

Then the right moment came. I sent you a message just to let you know, you couldn’t say no. I went right to your house, which I came over to many times already, and even your mother knew me. She let me inside with a smile, she was so kind. I knew where you got that virtue from.

I heard you running frantically around your room. You must have been dressing up, so I waited until you were done, knocked, and opened the door. Your room smelled just like I remembered it, it was so good, it was just you.

“It’s been a while, Chae,” you said, clearly nervous. “How are you doing?”

“I’m doing terrible, honey,” I answered honestly and you gulped. “You know, I’ve been good to you. I waited and did nothing else. I did not kill or hurt anyone. I let you have your space, then why did you disappear for an entire month?”

“I kept thinking and reflecting on what happened…”

“For a month?” I was furious. “Did you try to make me forget you? Did you try to forget me?”

“It’s that… It has been a tough month,” you said. “My best friend murdered 6 people, or more… How could I go back to what we were before? You killed… humans.”

“So? They didn’t deserve to live anyways. I did it for you.”

“No, Chae—”

“They beat you up so badly you couldn’t even walk!” I snapped. “They badmouthed you, they laughed at you and… why are you defending them?!”

“Yes, but you took their lives.”

“They were going to take your life too! Don’t you get it?”

“Chae, please—”

“No! Shut up! I can’t take this anymore! I can’t forgive them. They’re always making fun of you, beating you up, torturing you—just because you’re my friend! But you keep shoving it away and get hurt for me… I- I…”

I hugged you. I had to hold onto something and you were the only one that could have helped me stand up. All those years… I was so pent up, I was so tired of it. I know you told me many times to let it be but I can’t. Sorry, I just can’t help it. I can’t let anyone walk away after they hurt you, even if it’s something as little as pinching you, because you mean too much to me.

“Darling, I love you!” I sobbed and pleaded onto your chest, bathed by my tears, “I missed you so much. If I don’t see you even for a day, it starts to hurt, you know? I’ll do anything to stay with you, anything! Just tell me! I want to see you every day, I can’t let you leave like this…”

“If it’s like this,” you started, “we can make a deal.”

“A-a deal? Really?”

“Yes, a deal. You can see me how much you want but absolutely no killing. No physical assault and no insults to anyone.”

“Is that it?”

“Yes, you just have to restrain yourself.”

“Very well. Then, I promise, I will never kill again, I swear. Does that mean I can see you every day?” I asked. My tears finally stopped pouring out, the hiccup was still there, but I could focus and talk to you properly now. I took a deep breath and spoke, “Then you have to be my boyfriend from now on.”

“What did you just say?” you asked with confusion.

“You can’t say no. You are my boyfriend now. You know already, I told you so many times. I love you with all of myself.”

I knew you liked me a little already. I wasn’t sure if it was as strong as my love for you was, although I doubt it can, I knew you were interested in me. No one would stick with me for that long and no one would defend me from all those bullies. I knew you loved me, of course you did, you always took care of me since our first day and I couldn’t help but fall for you too.

I tried my best to change my appearance to suit your ideal type more. I dressed better, I dieted, I worked out, and I practiced so much that I wouldn’t disappoint you.

“Chae, are you sure? I’m just a regular guy and you’re an idol…”

“Don’t lie to yourself, honey. I wouldn’t give myself to just anyone. You never laughed about me, you believed in me when nobody else did, and you infected me with your kindness and humanity. You’re the best man I can ask for.”

“Thank you…”

“You’ll be my boyfriend and I’ll be your girlfriend, okay? Do you accept?”

“Uhm…”

“Do you accept?”

“Yes, ma’am!”

“Ma’am?” I laughed. “Don’t tell me you have some weird fetish going on… It’s okay. Just tell me, I won’t mind, hehe.”

Part 5

You have been very strict with me. The first thing you did was to establish a set of rules and all the punishment that would have resulted in breaking them. You’ve been very clear in defining them and made sure I understood you were very serious about it and would absolutely punish me if I dared to not respect them. They were something along the line of:

NO KILLING. The punishment is an instant break-up.

NO BODY HARM to anyone. The punishment is no contact for two weeks.

NO KIDNAPPING/STALKING/THREATENING other people. The punishment is no skin touching for a week.

RESPECT YOU. We’re together in this relationship and I have to listen to you.

TRUST YOU. You'll leave me if I don’t trust you when you tell me you aren’t cheating.

I accepted them and we started dating. Our relationship was as good as it was before but this time I got to be as clingy as I wanted, hugging you as much as I wanted, holding your hand wherever we went, and most of all you gave me a lot of head pats. You always gave me head pats to congratulate me when I did well in school or had a good performance.

It was difficult to respect those rules and you showed me how convinced you were of them when I broke the hand of a guy who shoved you against the lockers. You really ghosted me for two weeks without saying anything. When they ended I couldn’t help but jump on you and I promised to be more careful. Since then, I didn’t break any other rules and you showed me your love in so many ways, I lost count of them.

We learned a lot about each other and helped each other all the time. You helped me be more confident with my skills and get angry (but you told me I was cute when I got mad). You were always a bit discouraged with your work, giving up easily, and I made sure you knew how great you were. Just like me, school has really made you more insecure about yourself, but when we were together, we achieved a lot more.

Recently I discovered a hidden diary you used to keep under your bed, between the mattress and the frame. The last thing you wrote was months ago, way before the incident, and it was you rambling about me. ABOUT ME! And it was so adorable. “I have the biggest crush on my friend!” You wrote on the last page.

I stared at the words in a daze, it was like the words were screaming in my face. I was used to only obsessing over you and knowing you were going through the same thing warmed my heart.

You know, I’ve never believed in good endings, but with you, I think I finally found one where we are the protagonists. Our story is not like a fairy tale, it’s far from perfect, I am not a princess, nor could ever be one. However, you made me feel like one and I’m more than sure you’re my prince.

Sorry if I am always so obsessive and so imperfect, I just can’t help it.

THE END

Written, 7 June - 27 June 2023

[zoesbooknook]

marriage - regulus black

TW: I do not condone or promote forced marriage or any form of abuse or mistreatment in relationships.

This text may contain triggering content for some readers, including references to emotional abuse and coercion.

         ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

I woke up and glanced at Regulus sleeping next to me. I had always known that I would marry a pureblood wizard. My mother had drilled it into me from a young age that marrying well was the most important thing I could do. So when I was told that I would be marrying Regulus Black, I was not surprised. In fact, I was almost relieved that I would not have to go through the process of finding a suitable husband myself.

However, I was not blind to the fact that Regulus did not want to marry me. I could see the disdain in his eyes every time we were forced to be in each other's company. It hurt me that he could not even try to get to know me, but I understood that he had been forced into this marriage just as I had.

But it seemed that nothing I did could change his opinion of me. I tried to be kind to him, but he rebuffed me at every turn. It was clear that he did not want to be married to me, and I could not help but feel hurt by his rejection.

Despite my disappointment, I knew that I had to make the best of the situation. I was determined to be a good wife to Regulus, even if he did not want me. I hoped that one day he would see that I was not the enemy and that we could find some common ground. But for now, I would have to be content with being the wife of a man who hated me.

Regulus was on the other side of the bed just staring at the ceiling as if he hadn't a care in the world. He was silent for a moment before he spoke. "You know this marriage was completely unnecessary, right?"

"But what was the point in them arranging this? You know I hate you, right?" He kept staring at the ceiling.

"Yes, I do. For what reason, the world may never know," you respond, mumbling the last part as you go up to go to the shared bathroom in your bedroom.

"Probably to spite me." He said before slowly getting up and heading into the bathroom as well. He leaned against the wall as he looked at you in the mirror. He stared right through your eyes but it was clear by his expression that there was nothing but hatred towards you.

"What do you want?"

"For you to go away." His voice was a soft but cold as his eyes narrowed at you. You'd never seen him like this before.

"Well, I'm not going away, not for a long time, so maybe stop being so tiresome and just get used to this marriage because, whether you like it or not, you're married to me," you say, on the verge of yelling as you had about enough of him.

Regulus seemed to grow even taller as he stared down at you. 

"I'm the Head of House Black, my family's reputation is everything." Regulus paused before he took another step closer.

"You're telling me to get used to this?"

"Exactly. Good job of getting the point into your thick skull." You responded, still mad at him for complaining and blaming everything on you.

Regulus stared at you before rolling his eyes. "You know why we're married?" He asked.

"To ensure that I continue the Black family line." He was still staring at you. Your breath hitched just slightly as a cold wave washed over you. 

"So?"

"Do you know how children are made?" Regulus' tone changed as he looked down at you. He said as he took a step closer.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm only doing my duty." Regulus answered as he took another step towards you.

"No"

Regulus was silent for a moment. He seemed confused at your answer. "No?" He looked deep into your eyes.

"You understand this is our duty, right?" 

"Yes, I realise that, but I'm not doing it just to please our parents or for me to get pregnant. I'm also not going to do it with someone who hates me." You say this as you place both hands on his chest and push him back slightly.

Regulus took a step back, then let out a sigh. He ran his hand through his hair before looking back at you. He said nothing for a moment, but his eyes seemed to burn you.

"Our family needs a child, do you know what happens if they don't get one?" 

"We'll just tell them that we're trying and that it's taking longer than expected, but until you get over your hatred for me, I'm not doing anything with you." You say this as you move downstairs to make a cup of tea.

"And how do you think they'll respond to that when the time passes and you're still not pregnant." Regulus followed you into the kitchen. It was clear he was angry with you now which almost caught you by surprise.

"Well then, get over your hatred faster," you say with your back to him as you watch the kettle.

Regulus leaned against the wall once again and took a breath before talking. "Have you ever thought of why I hate you?" His tone shifted again.

"Yes, I have, and I cannot come up with a single reason why you do."  You turn to face him.

Regulus seemed to struggle to find the words to say. "I hate you because.. you remind me of my parents." Regulus said after a moment as he looked away from you.

His tone seemed softer now; he seemed sad—not angry, not cold, just sad. When he looked back at you, he almost looked ashamed.

"Our parents forced me into this marriage I did not want, just like how they forced me into everything else." Regulus was silent for a moment.

"Regulus,  I am not your parents; in fact, I'd like to think I'm the complete opposite, and I know you don't like that we're married, but we have to make it work." You say, softly.

He just stood there for a moment before he took a step forward and wrapped you in a hug.

"I'm sorry." He said as he tightened his grip on you. Regulus seemed more like a scared little boy than the man you had previously known.

You sighed and pulled away from him as you heard the screeching noise from the kettle.

"Let me make us some tea." Regulus said as he slowly went to the cupboard and took out two matching tea cups.

"You just sit down." He kept his back facing you while he prepared the tea.

"Thank you," you replied as you took the steaming mug from him.

Regulus took his own mug and sat down across from you.

He looked down at the table in silence for a moment before looking up at you. He took a sip of his drink and waited for you to do the same.

You start to take a sip from your mug, but it's too hot, and you burn your tongue slightly. 

"Fuck," you hiss.

Regulus smiled when you cursed and he couldn't help but chuckle slightly.

"Always wait for the tea to cool first." He warned you.

"Yeah, a bit too late for that." You smiled.

"You know, this is one of the first times I've seen you smile" Regulus took another sip of his tea before his eyes met yours once again.

He stayed silent for a moment before he said, "Do you think we could ever get along?"

"I think so, yeah."

"Can I ask you something?" Regulus' tone was serious as he looked at you.

"Yes?"

"Why did you accept our parent's proposition to marry me?" Regulus' tone was soft once more.

"Because you seemed nicer than the other options my mother presented me."

Regulus was silent for a moment before he sighed. He placed his tea cup down on the table and looked at you properly for the first time.

"Did you know I was going to be so... cold to you?" Regulus seemed to want to ask more questions. He looked almost nervous now.

"No, I didn't, but I got used to it, I guess."

"Why would you get used to it?" Regulus seemed confused. "I've been awful to you this entire time and you're okay with that?"

"Well, I wasn't okay with it, but nothing I said or did would change your mind, so I grew to sort of ignore the words that came out of your mouth."

"I'm sorry that I acted that way towards you, I'm a complete and utter arse." He spoke quickly. Regulus seemed to know full well that he was in the wrong. He had always blamed everyone but himself.

"No one is deserving of the treatment I've given you." Regulus didn't look away from you as he spoke.

"I'm not sure if I could forgive you right away, but this is good progress."

"I don't expect forgiveness. After how I treated you, you owe me nothing." Regulus took another sip of his tea.

In this moment, he didn't seem like a Head of House, he just seemed like a tired and overworked young man.

"I'm getting a bit tired; I think I might go take a nap."

Regulus looked tired as well. His expression seemed almost sad as he looked at you.

"You probably should." He stood up from his seat and picked up his mug.

"I'll get the dishes and then I think I should sleep as well." Regulus said in a more tired tone than you'd ever heard from him.

"Leave the dishes; we'll do them in the morning. You need to sleep too."

Regulus paused for a moment before he slowly nodded.

"Okay, thank you." He placed his mug into the sink then left the kitchen to head upstairs. You could hear him start walking up the steps.

You followed him upstairs to your bedroom. You went to the bathroom to quickly do your skincare routine and found him lying in bed under the covers.

When you walked into the bedroom you realised something. Regulus was in bed, half-covered by the sheets but he didn't appear to be tired, in fact, he was wide awake.

Regulus turned over to look at you and his eyes seemed to sparkle slightly in the dim glow. He stared at you for a moment before asking, "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah?" You replied as you laid down next to him.

"Would you hold my hand?" Regulus asked. You could hear the tiredness in his voice.

He wanted you to hold his hand. It was a simple request, but it made something inside your heart flutter just a little.

"Yes, Regulus"  You responded, taking in his hand as you laid down and tried to sleep.

His hand was warm and you were glad to be able to hold it. It made you feel safe in a way you hadn't felt in a long time.

Regulus was silent for a moment before he spoke once again. "Thank you." He turned over towards you so he was facing you while still laying in bed.

Regulus' eyes seemed to close when you took his hand and began to lay down beside him. In only moments, he was fast asleep. It wasn't long before he fell into a dreamless sleep. His grip was slightly tight on your hand.

You lay in bed awake for a few minutes before you slowly fell asleep as well. Regulus was still holding your hand.

A/N : This isn't what I usually write but I went along with it. If you have any requests, send me a message.

-zoe  ˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗

[algolstare]

if you have the means, please help us escape our abusive family

the short version: we need out of here, and if you have the means to comfortably help us, you can help us with getting together the funds to try again to escape here (I will edit the goal when I am able to, the progress shown is for our first attempt earlier this year, which did not last)

the long version.. I don't even know where to begin. Our name is Teddy, and we're living in hell, again, and trying to escape it, again. It was so amazing to be out of here. It was better than anything we'd ever experienced before, in our entire life.

I have been so angry with myself for being unable to keep things that way, we undershot the goal by so much that time because I felt ashamed to ask for more than the bare minimum to get out - no leeway for job searching time, or anything else. It was a mistake to do it that way.. following shame usually is, but what's done is done now, and I am trying not to add any more hurt onto my plate beating myself up over such mistakes.

an update was written for the fundraiser itself, I won't copy it in its entirety to here. I know that everyone has it hard right now, and there is so much hurt in the world, mine is only a drop in an ocean - but I am choosing to believe my loved ones when they say that my life is worth trying to save, and so I am asking for help doing that.

we're doing what we can do on our own - I am back to work that I walked away from for the sake of my mental health before on top of trying to build up less ptsd-exacerbating works, because I feel it is maybe my only shot at a decent steady income, to prevent the same from happening again if I manage to get out of here in the first place. I was not even up to snuff to sell burgers.. It is difficult to cover up bruises in order to look appealing.

but for so many reasons, I can't do this on my own. the hurdle is too high to get over to get out, even though I have by now proven that I can do quite a lot in terms of providing for myself - it's hard to keep anything together when you are also constantly in fear, and hurting, and being threatened, and having to hide any money we make and limit what we do to only what can be hidden, so many obstacles, that we are having any success despite them is proof enough to me that I can continue with this if we can get out. but that's if we get out.

that we even had our first time out of here, was a miracle. I am so eternally grateful to everyone who helped us have that, and to everyone who has been encouraging me and helping to support us while we are here again, it means the world to me, it is everything to me. It feels so amazing to be an adult, and be alive, and have people who care for me, it's so much different from how I understood my world to be before in all the best of ways.

if you are safe, and if you have enough for yourself as well as to extend help to another, please consider helping us. 💟

thank you for taking the time to read this, for even considering to help us, for all the ways you all have shown me the warmth of the world.. words cannot express how happy I am even to be able to continue to struggle forwards.

thank you for your kind words, and for sharing this, for helping in what ways you can, I hope that your kindness is returned to you tenfold, I hope that if you are in a situation like mine that you also can have a way forwards, I hope that you are all safe and well-fed. 🧸💗

[fckawaythepain]

On my side of tiktok (spanish tiktok) in the Gravity Falls fandom, there has been a lot of discussion about which of the two grunkles is a worse person. Ford is the one with the most against him. That he's selfish, that he had it easier than Stan, that it was his fault he got kicked out of the house, and that if it had been Stan who fell through the portal, Ford would never have saved him.

And honestly... All of that seems wrong to me.

I've been thinking about it a lot, and the more I try to side with one twin, the more I feel like I make the other's experiences less so.

When I try to think about Ford had it worse, I make less of the fact that Stan practically prostituted himself in Mexico. But when I think of Stan had it worse, I make less of the fact that Bill used to threaten Ford with putting him in a vegetative state.

Maybe people side more with Stan because they can't relate to the idea of dealing with a demon and being possessed, but that's not a reason to get all “oh poor little baby boy, that six-fingered piece of shit never thanked him for getting him out of the portal”. They are both adults with problems they never told each other about, we can't expect them to act the way we want because they are not us and they don't know what we as audience know.

You will say that I'm taking Ford's side, and I probably am, but I'm sick of this absurd debate. Hating a character is not “bad”, we all have our perspectives and ways of reacting, but just because we don't like a character we should demonize them. No character in Gravity Falls is a saint, and if they were to see what we are doing on Ford they would be very disappointed with us.

Enough of misrepresenting history and seeing everything in black and white (I'm the one who most wishes things were black and white, but they're not).

I hope that what I am trying to express is well understood. I am not very good at explaining myself, especially in another language.

[fictionwomenlover]

"Irreplaceable".

THIS CONTAINS ANGST!!

Arlecchino x Y/N. Y/N uses she/her pronouns!!

MALE/NBLM DO NOT INTERACT!!

----------------------------------------

"Y/n, it seems like you don't understand." Arlecchino clenched her teeth. "Lust is all that love is. I have nothing to commit for. I don't have time to squander on showing you "love" since I am too busy taking care of my children and my subordinates. You are no longer necessary to me, I am exhausted, and I have already obtained what I've desired from you. This is where we're ending it." All Y/N can do is look at her in agony, unable to speak since her lips is unable to form words. With her expression emotionless, Arlecchino doesn't even feel bad about fooling Y/n and giving her false hope despite the fact that Y/N placed her faith in her... supposed lover.

"Arlecchino…Really? Really???" On the corner of y/n's eyes, thick tears began to form. "What in the world was I thinking? I should have paid more attention to Childe when he said that you often sleep with other women. I wrongly thought he was making a joke."

"Well, he's most definitely not." Arlecchino said, leaning against a wall, crossing her arms, and smirking a little. "They understand not to hang around for too long in my presence, though, as it's a one-time event. I wish you were the same. I thought that ending things would be ideal for us both because you've been really annoying lately as well. You were obviously just a fuck partner." Arlecchino said, trying not to gulp while staring dead into Y/N's eyes.

Many questions lingered in Y/N's mind. "so why would you stay with me for a year if you wanted nothing to do with me and only saw me as a fuck partner in the first place?"

"Oh, I just didn't want to upset your sensitive self."

Tears fell and began to trickle down her cheeks. She was on the edge of losing it, but Arlecchino might make fun of her if she did. She then composed herself and spoke.

"Okay, we're ending it here then," y/n sighed. "I appreciate you taking up my time, Arlecchino. Perhaps you could find a woman to satisfy your lust or...whatever." Y/n then left the house, making no attempt to come back ever again.

After a while, Arlecchino broke her mask, her face now dejected. In fact, none of what she stated was true. Since she can't give Y/N enough time or communicate much with her lover, Arlecchino has always believed that she is always harming her. She made it clear to Y/N that she wanted to break up, but because Y/N constantly provided her chances, the harbinger decided that lying ruthlessly would be the best course of action. "I apologize, y/n. It's better this way, I think. In order for you to be happier… so I could quit fretting and always second-guessing myself if I'm a good partner for you."

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After two weeks, Arlecchino would still see Y/n on the streets of Fontaine, but the Harbinger would just turn away from her even if Y/n was still glancing in Arlecchino's direction. Another instance in which they crossed paths was when Arlecchino went for a stroll with her "children" to the fresh markets and happened to run into a young woman, who happened to be y/n. Y/n was taken aback, made an effort to remain composed, and offered an apology, but the taller white haired woman snapped. "Why must I see your face everywhere," she grumbled. "Please quit bumping into me, it's really annoying." On the inside, though, Arlecchino was at least glad that she could glimpse her former flame again for a little while before turning away.

She was doing a good job of avoiding and covering her face with a mask on, the fine harbinger thought, until one day one of her "children", Lyney, muttered to himself, "I miss mother." Even though Arlecchino was devastated to hear that, she understood that the two of them would benefit from the separation.

One day in the evening, Arlecchino was strolling along a route by the court building in the evening when she noticed bloodstains in the water close to the sidewalks. "Whoever killed someone and then thought it would be a good idea to hide their body here...?" The Knave mumbled to herself. After making sure it was evident that no one was observing her, she turned to approach it. Her heart was racing unnaturally quickly, and she had no idea why she was so anxious. That is, until she notices the bracelet on the wrist of the corpse. "That is..." the expensive sapphire jewelry she got y/n on their sixth month anniversary. As soon as she got closer to examine the corpse, the Harbinger felt numb and only stared at it with full shock.

"No," the knave said, shaking her head. "No, this… I simply happened to run across you a few days ago. This, this could not be…" She was holding her dead girlfriend tenderly in her arms and tears were streaming out of Y/N's eyes as her cold body lays still. After gazing at her body for a while, Arlecchino gave it a gentle embrace and began to cry as she realized that Y/N had died believing that the taller woman had only ever used her body and had never loved her as a whole.

"..wake up… GET BACK TO ME, Y/N." The harbinger shook the icy body and yelled. "Forgive me… I have always loved you and I still do. I...I was lying, I never cheated on you, you always have had my heart, Y/N. Could you please get back to me...?" Holding the young woman she has always loved, Arlecchino broke down in tears, staring up at the rainy sky and chanting "I'm sorry, Y/n", "Forgive me", "Please come back".

After a while, walking in the pouring rain, the knave carried the body with her, weighed down with guilt. "I should have stayed," she spoke to herself. "I'm so stupid to leave you to grieve alone; I can't do anything without you. I'll never be able to forgive myself for this, Y/N... I should have put in more effort for us. My darling, I hope you understand how irreplaceable you are."

Perhaps it wasn't the best idea to part ways after all.

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Author's note : HIII EVERYONE I haven't wrote a fanfiction for so long </3 I'm ngl I'm still a bit shitty in English Grammar so I'm very sorry if some of the paragraphs don't make sense at all :( I had a headache reading my own blog post LMFAO

but anyways I really hope you guys enjoy!! I've been focusing a lot with life as well lately, I'm trying to earn some money online so wish me luckkk <33

(I wrote an Arlecchino fanfic down because im so obsessed with her now like I literally came back to genshin because of her AAAA)